


Inevitable

by raelee514



Series: Inevitable Verse [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alex is a plot point just like canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-09-27 01:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: Robert and Aaron have a deal. It's simple. It's casual. Their sure adding fake dating for Christmas won't complicate anything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GNOBNG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GNOBNG/gifts).



> Written for Robert Secret Santa 2018 for thewindstruckeagle on tumblr

Robert's nose was buried against warm skin. He inhaled the smell, it was intoxicating -- inviting -- and tightened his arms around the man he was holding. No, not a man, it was Aaron. Aaron. His mouth twitched into a smile as he started to wake up and suddenly realized he could hear the music and that it had a country twang, it was Taylor Swift... 

_Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight_. Oh Christmas music, he thought and buried his face deeper into Aaron's neck, but groaned as the music continued. 

“Stop it, Robert…” Aaron's raspy growl was deeper from sleep. 

“You’re closer,” he countered, tightening his arms again. 

Aaron grunted something Robert couldn't catch, but he smirked knowing it wasn't nice, then protested as Aaron moved out of his hold as he reached out to stop the alarm... "Shit," he cursed as he knocked it off the table instead, Taylor Swift singing cheerfully about Santa... "Why the fuck do you listen to this crappy station, Sugden?"

“Whatever Dingle…nothing wrong with some Taylor Swift." 

Aaron huffed in disagreement and dangled himself off the edge of the bed, irritating Robert by moving further away, but then his eyebrows rose up. He saw the magnificent view that was Aaron's back muscles, and how snug his boxers were over his arse. Suddenly, he felt wide awake and the second Aaron turned back, a victorious grin on his face because the Christmas music was gone, Robert lunged at him and tackled him back down and hovered over Aaron, who smirked up at him with a challenge in his eyes. 

“Hiya,” Robert said.

“Hiya.”

“What time is it…” Robert asked, biting his lower lip staring at Aaron’s jawline. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron laughed.

"Did you break my clock?" he asked.

"No, but smacked the snooze didn't I..."

"You sure you didn't break it?" Robert laughed.

"No,” Aaron laughed. 

Robert matched his chuckle and looked up at the window above his bed. The sky was gray through the window, he blinked at it for a bit before he realized he hadn't clue what the color of the clouds meant for the hour. He sighed. 

"What?"

"I can't afford to be late...but."

Aaron shrugged the perfect picture of nonchalance. "And?"

Robert dipped his eyes down to Aaron's chest, up to his mouth, his usual stubble was thicker than it'd been the night before... Robert couldn't help but wonder how it might feel against his mouth. He bit his lower lip and shook his head. "But..."

Aaron's eyes darkened and gave a small nod. 

Robert bent down and licked his way into Aaron's mouth. They both groaned and surged into a deep kiss. Robert felt strong arms around his shoulders, a hand in his hair, yanking just hard enough to make his stomach flip. Then his mouth was on Aaron's jawline, lips being scraped by the beard, and it was just hard enough to burn... "Aaron,” he groaned.

"Yeah...Robert..." Aaron shoved at his shoulders to push Robert down then reached for the drawer where Robert kept his lube and condoms. 

Robert pressed kisses down Aaron's chest, his stomach, and lower. His mouth was pressed against Aaron's hip, tongue dragging down the hip bone, Aaron's finger digging into his scalp, again yanking his hair just when his cell phone started to ring. He groaned into Aaron's skin and swore when his phone hit his head. "Ow."

"Gonna ignore it?" Aaron asked. 

Robert looked at the number. It was his sister, he was contemplating sending her straight to voicemail but saw the time, it was nearly ten, which meant that wasn't the first time his alarm had kicked off -- just only woken them now. He held back a sigh as he realized he was late to work by a mile. He flashed Aaron an apologetic smile and moved to sit on the edge of the bed as he answered the call. 

"What Vic?"

"Good morning, Vic, hello, dear sister," she snapped.

"Good morning, Vic," he monotoned back to her.

"You're jolly this fine day, Rob."

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean, what do I want?" 

"Vic..."

"I mean must I want something, from yous, my big brother to call you?"

Robert rolled his eyes, stopping because they caught sight of Aaron standing in front of him, sliding into his jeans. He bit back a groan of disappointment and watched with frustration as Aaron found the black jumper he'd been wearing the night before and pulled it on, hiding away his muscles and skin. 

"Well?" Vic's voice was loud in his ear.

"Well, what?" He asked, confused, his focus still on Aaron. 

"Did you just hear a thing I said?"

"Uh...no."

"Rob!"

"Vic," he rolled his eyes.

"Diane, wants to know if you're bringing anyone for Christmas? Cause Ellis is going to be here, and Bernice and Liam, as well as Andy and Katie..."

 _Shoot me now._ He had to go back to Emmerdale for a week, the last place he wanted to be, surrounded by his bizarre small unit of family -- if he could even consider Andy anything. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

"So, she wanted to know if you were bringing any lady friends -- or men..."

He tensed. "Vic!"

"What? No that was just me, I didn't tell Diane anything, I wouldn't Rob. That's your thing to tell." 

"Shut up, Vic," he mumbled. 

"So?"

"What?" Robert ran a hand over his face. 

"Robert?" Aaron's voice was low, and when Robert looked up he was trapped in worried blue eyes, and it was too much, so he looked away and focused on Victoria. 

"Are you gonna bring anyone with ya?"

"I...don't... Wait? Bernice has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's the town doctor."

"He gay?" Robert asked.

"Not at all."

"Huh?" 

Aaron nudged his foot with his own, and Robert realized he'd put on his shoes. He bit back a sigh of disappointment, the moment was over, and he wasn’t starting the day with great sex. He focused on Aaron’s face, and he was giving him an odd look and mouthed _Gay_.  
Robert just shook his head because it wasn't important. 

Aaron cocked his head toward the bedroom door, indicating he was going to leave. "I do gotta go," he mouthed. 

"Vic, hold on," he muttered and dropped the phone on the bed. 

"It's late... And you're busy..."

Robert nodded. 

"I'll catch you later?" Aaron asked.

Robert nodded again.

Aaron hovered where he stood for a beat, something happened behind his eyes, and he let out a small puff of air. Robert was certain he wanted to say something, and he held his breath waiting for it, but Aaron turned around. He was going to leave, and that felt wrong, though he wasn't at all sure why… it made him move though. He was off his bed and had grabbed Aaron's arm before he’d fully thought it through. Robert yanked him back around, into his space and his hand landed on the back of his neck as he gave in to the impulse to kiss him. Aaron sighed and fell right into him, making Robert deepen the kiss. Both of them were breathing hard when they parted. Their eyes met, and Aaron’s twinkled as he laughed, right before he stepped away, which made Robert laugh too as he seemed to drift toward Aaron as he moved away. 

"See ya..." Aaron winked, and he was gone. 

Robert swayed for a moment, as he stared at the empty space Aaron left behind. Then he fell back down onto his bed and picked up the phone. "You still there?"

"Do you have someone there?" Vic asked.

"Not anymore," he groused. 

"Anyone you might be bringing home with ya?" she pressed

"What..." He panicked at the thought. "No, he's not, no, no, not a good idea."

"Oh, a man huh? What's his name?"

"Vic, it's not important." 

"You know Diane and Andy won't freak out about the bi thing."

"Vic..." he snapped, and his heart was pounding. Andy would hate him, he was sure of it. 

"I'm just saying, Rob...."

"I'm late for work..." He mumbled and hung up on her. 

~~~

Aaron shut the door to Robert's flat but couldn't let go of the knob. He could turn it, open the door, walk back inside and finish what they'd started. It was what he wanted to do, they both were already late for their jobs — what would be another hour. They could fall right back into that bed. He could still feel Robert dragging his tongue against his jaw, against his hip, he was half hard where he stood. He hadn't even minded waking up to crappy Christmas music, because his entire back been pressed against the length of Robert and he’d wanted to burrow back into it. 

He shook himself. What was he doing? Aaron pulled his hand off the knob, shoved his hands into his jeans for his keys and walked the two steps to his own flat. It was across the hall from Robert’s, they’d met in the elevator one day after he’d moved in with Adam. Aaron couldn’t stop himself from looking back at Robert’s door before he stepped inside and shook his head at himself. He’d barely made into the flat when his phone went off. 

He scowled at it as he fished it out of his pocket. Expected it to be his boss wondering where he was, probably not buying whatever lie Adam was telling to cover for him. He rolled his eyes when he saw who it was and answered. "Hiya, Mum." 

"Hiya, love."

"What's up?"

"You're still coming home for Christmas, right?"

He rolled his eyes and wondered what other plans she thought he'd make. 

"Don't roll your eyes."

"I didn't..."

"I know you, don't try a fast one on me."

He laughed, he supposed it was fair. "Of course I am, can't miss the big Dingle do."

"Good cause... Well, there is this lad…”

Aaron tensed. "Mum, no."

"You haven't met someone have ya?"

"No..." He muttered, but his head turned in the direction of Robert's flat. 

"So, Alex is really nice. He's a doctor?"

"So?

"But love, you deserve someone good."

"I can find my own boyfriend," he muttered.

"But you're not."

"I'm doing fine..." 

"It's time to settle down a bit love...anyway he'll be at the pub, during the week, poor lamb is stuck working for the holidays, and I told him we're his family for the season."

"Mum...no. No setting us up."

"Aaron, think about it for me?"

He was on the phone. She was in Emmerdale. He shouldn't be seeing her big brown eyes and hopeful grin. Her face shouldn’t be working it’s magic and trying to guilt him into saying yes. This was why he’d moved to Hotten, he needed the room to breathe, he would stay firm. "Mum, no... Look I'm late for work, I gotta go?"

"Aaron...please" 

"Bye," he said and hung up before she could beg more.

~~~

Aaron dropped his coffee and bacon sarnie on his table in the cafe near the garage he worked at and pulled out his cell phone. No calls, no texts, and he hated himself for checking. No, he hated himself for wanting a text from Robert. For expecting a text from Robert. For one thing, he sent shitty texts, always random out of context thoughts about nothing. Sure they might or might not lead to them hooking up, but they were still shitty. He shouldn’t want one, it shouldn’t matter — it’s not like they were together. 

He shifted his chair and grabbed another nearby one to stick his feet onto it. He was just…unsatisfied. They’d been interrupted, he’d been about to get, what experience told him, would’ve been a mind-blowing blowjob. For a brief, amazing moment he'd thought he was going to start the day with some good, no great…no brilliant -- sex and he hadn't. Anyone would be cranky when that something like was dangled in front of them and then abruptly taken away. 

And It wasn't like the night before hadn't been satisfying. Sex with Robert was… he felt his cheeks and ears heat as he blushed thinking about it. It was always mind-blowing. Brilliant, and he always slept hard right afterward. In fact last night, he’d passed out fast the last thing he’d been aware of had been Robert’s arm slinging over his stomach. 

Aaron scowled into his coffee and tried to push the thought of Robert Sugden out of his mind. It was just sex. Just sex.

"There you are." There was a hard smack on his shoulder, then Adam was across from him at the table, putting his own coffee and lunch down. "Missed you this morning?" he asked eyebrows comically raised. 

"Obviously."

"Ah, yeah mate, only did you leave early or get in late?" 

Aaron rolled his eyes. 

"Got lucky then, at that new club?"

"Never went."

"What? You said you were going to go try to pull...."

"Well, I did, didn't I?" Aaron muttered.

"You slept at Sugden's?"

"Yeah..." 

Adam shook his head. 

"What?" Aaron eyed him.

"Just... Aaron, you've stopped, uh... Pulling anyone else? You two dating?"

"What? No..." Aaron rolled his eyes and ignored the uptick in his heartbeat. 

Adam shook his head.

Aaron scowled at him. "Look, it's simple all right, no muss, no fuss, we're on the same page and..." Aaron felt his cheeks heat. "It's no strings, it's what I want right now."

"That’s all?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you putting off your mum's matchmaking, mate?"

Aaron glared at his best friend across the table. 

"Oh, yeah, she called me, wants me on board. Says this Alex guy is a right dreamboat."

"Right dreamboat is he?"

"Sent me a picture of him and everything."

"That's weird."

"Yeah... But... He ain't bad looking," Adam said and put his phone on the table. 

Aaron peered at it and saw some brown haired generic model type on the screen...he was okay, Aaron thought. He wasn't sure if he had a type, suddenly Robert's face flashed in his head, screaming at him if he did, that was it. Then he felt the ghost of Robert's hands on his face making his skin tingle, and his stomach dipped down as he remembered how he’d woken up, and he fell right back into thinking about Robert and how amazing he made him feel. 

"Well, I say you go for it, he's fit mate,” Adam broke through his thoughts. 

"If you find him so dreamy, you date him,” Aaron snapped, working to shake Robert out of his thoughts.

"Haha... You wish I played for your team, mate."

Aaron rolled his eyes because he really didn't. 

"I don't think your mum is gonna back off, Aaron. She seemed intent."

Aaron frowned because that was a problem. 

~~~

_Robert: What's wrong with Taylor Swift?_

_Aaron: Where to start, mate. It's soppy._

_Robert: It's catchy...fun._

_Aaron: If that's what you want from music_

_Robert: What are you supposed to want from music?_

_Aaron: Not empty phrases_

~~~

Robert stared at Aaron's answer and wondered what that meant? What was it Aaron was trying to say? He wasn't a man of a lot of words, but Robert knew that Aaron was a man who had things to say... He felt it whenever their eyes met both during and sex and when they were just talking. Not that they ever talked about anything important — but if they were to, Aaron would say things worth listening to, and maybe he wanted to hear those things. Maybe Robert wanted to know what was hidden behind Aaron’s walls that he didn’t like sharing. He liked it. He liked Aaron, more than he should, they weren't serious, they weren't meant to be serious…they had a no-strings sex deal 

It was good sex. No, it was great, spectacular, toe-curling, brilliant sex. It was the most satisfying sex of his life, sometimes after he felt like a truck slammed into him — but it was good, it was a good bone-deep feeling. He'd slept hard last night, hard enough he woke up late, he never woke up late. He usually rose before his alarm clock, not hours after it first went off. He sighed, remembering waking up, his nose and mouth against Aaron’s neck. He could still taste his skin if he closed his eyes. He wished he never set the alarm, maybe they’d still be in bed with no clue how late in the day it was getting. 

He wondered if they’d woken late for Aaron too, he had said he needed to go. They had different schedules, he knew. He worked in business, and Aaron worked with his hands... All those perfect callouses and he was lost again. He closed his eyes the sense memory of Aaron's hand wrapped around him, those callouses hitting everything just right, it flooding his senses, and he let out a small groan. 

"What?"

He felt his cheeks heat and looked to the right of his desk and right at Leyla Harding. Probably the worst person to catch him daydreaming about sex. He shook his head at her, both to tell her it was nothing and to try clear his mind of Aaron. It was a shame really, it was a good image, but he was going there too often. They weren’t together. In fact, he was with no one, and he had a Christmas problem. He looked at Leyla, technically, he was her boss, but she wasn’t really underneath him in the company’s structure. They got along, she was beautiful, and from what he knew she had a crappy love life. He found himself grinning at her. 

Her expression immediately turned suspicious. Robert added smart to her list of attributes. "What?" she asked, warily this time.

“Are you busy for Christmas?"

"What do you think?"

"Don't know why I asked."

"Yes, I am as a matter of fact... Why?"

"I need a girlfriend."

Her eyes widened. "You need a girlfriend?"

"Yeah... See my sister, my step-sister and my...." He made a face. "Andy, all have someone and..."

"You don't wanna go home alone," she nodded.

"Exactly."

"No," she said. 

"No? You haven't heard my offer."

"I don't want to hear your offer. I have too much self-respect for myself to play your girlfriend, with your reputation, do you think I'm stupid?"

"What reputation?"

Leyla smirked. "How many women in this building have you slept with?”

He frowned. "Not all of them."

"Most of them," she nodded. "Though rumor has it when Chrissie White caught you cheating it wasn't with her sister, though everyone knew you were stringing them both along. Rumor has it..." She paused dramatically and cocked her head at him.

He blushed again but this time out of embarrassment, and he took a deep breath. He was trying to live an out life, but it was new, and sometimes he just wished no one knew, not yet, but he pushed through that and nodded. “Yeah, it was a man.”

"Nothing wrong with it,” Leyla said and not the reaction he’d expected.

"I know that,” he snapped feeling defensive.

"Ask a man then, to be your date, your reputation with the men in the building has a much higher standing,” Leyla said, getting back to their main subject.

"Haha," Robert muttered. _If I wanted to bring a guy home I'd bring..._ He didn’t let himself finish the thought, but his cell phone went off and finished it for him. He read the text and felt like his heart was in his throat trying to choke him.

 _Aaron: Busy later?_ Quickly he shoved his phone away and tried not to think about the man who sent. 

~~~

Aaron scowled as he pulled the car he'd just tuned-up out of the garage. It was snowing, there was already more than an inch clinging to the ground, and it was snowing hard enough that visibility was an issue. He swore as he switched the car into gear, realizing his short trip around the block to make sure he had gotten rid of the odd noise it was making was about to take twice as long. Everyone forgot how to drive in snow. 

Proving his point, he found himself behind a car that was barely moving, despite there being no traffic in front of it. He honked at the car, and they sped up a bit, though not enough to make a difference. He groaned and tried to keep his focus on the road, it was the professional thing to do. But he felt his phone buzzing in his overall’s pockets, and he was itching to answer it. 

He’d hated himself the minute he'd sent the text to Robert. It was a dumb move, but he couldn't take it back. He'd expected a reply right away, that being the norm for Robert, for him to put him out of his misery rather quickly for being impatient. He’d expected a yes, a no hadn’t really entered his mind until there was no answer. Then he got more and more antsy because he hated putting himself out there like that… but more important because Robert wasn’t supposed to matter -- they had a no-strings arrangement. It didn’t matter. 

But he was second-guessing, and Adam was in his head talking about how often they saw each other. They’d already hooked up twice this week, and it’d more than twice the week before. It was supposed to be casual, scratch each other's itch now and again... Not nightly. 

Adam had also made a point about how often Aaron been crashing in Robert's bed... Was it that often? Was he not seeing it? It wasn't like he was living there, or staying over all the time. A few times he'd woken up before Robert and just left, and it wasn't like he was going far, they lived across the hall from each other. Aaron was practically home anyway, and that was why it was no big deal. 

It meant nothing.

What they were doing was great, maybe he was pushing it wondering about hooking up again so soon. They should space it out. Adam was right, he needed to go on the pull, meet some other guys, maybe really date a few for real -- if anything to at least get his mum off his back. If that was possible, his mum just loved to micromanage. He guessed it because of all the time missed between them. He groaned. He was going to end up wearing some tie and on a date with that doctor when he went home for Christmas. 

His phone vibrated again, and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to know. So he checked the road, he was still stuck behind the slow driver. So he grabbed for it and hoped it was Robert.

_R: You're from Emmerdale right?_

Aaron bit his lip, that was a strange question. They’d already talked about it, being a Sugden and a Dingle had made that impossible to ignore. He sighed in relief as he came back around on the garage and pointed the car back to the garage. As he did, he typed in the letter Y and hit send. 

_R: Y am I asking or Y as in Yes._

_A: Both._

_R: Uh... Come over, around 7...I'll make us a late tea._

Aaron dropped his phone and cursed under his breath as he parked the car. He turned it off but then gripped the steering wheel, stared at his phone where it dropped on the floor in front of the passenger seat. He felt like his head was spinning. 

Tea.

Tea?

The phone buzzed from where it'd fallen on the passenger side footwell. Aaron felt like it might as well be a bomb. _Tea._ He stared at it. His mind was scrambling to figure out his answer to the question...

No, yes, no, yes, no. 

A smack of a hand against the car window made him jump, a rush of panic crawled against his skin. But he breathed out in relief when he saw Adam’s face. And he laughed at Aaron through the glass finding it hilarious he’d scared him. “What’re you doing, mate?"

Aaron scowled, grabbed his phone and stomped out of the car. "I hate snow." 

"Big nuisance is is... Should we get takeaway on the way home, man?"

"No," Aaron said quickly.

"No?"

"I mean, go ahead, I uh have plans...." Guess that answered that. 

"You do?"

Aaron looked at the screen of his phone and saw Robert’s latest text. _R: Aaron?_ He was waiting. Was he hoping for a yes?

 _A: Be there_ he typed quickly.

~~~

Robert checked his hair in the reflection of his stove as he slammed the door shut. The salmon just needed a few minutes in there, with the potatoes and he checked the spinach he was wilting on the stove. "You make this for yourself all the time, it's not date food, it's just food..." He felt like he believed himself less the more he muttered it -- but it was a fact. He made this for himself all the time, it was his favorite dinner... No that was lasagne, but he never made that, he never made that at all. 

Robert sighed and rechecked his hair, afraid the heat of the stove might make it start to droop. It doesn't matter, this isn't a date, it's Aaron. Just Aaron, the hot mechanic who lived across the hall. They had a deal, a sex deal, a nice casual sex deal…. Though he’d had those before and with Aaron it was different. Maybe it was only because the sex was so good — it was brilliant really. 

He jumped when he heard a sharp knock on the door. He glanced at the time, and it was seven sharp -- Aaron was never on time, and he froze where he stood. Why was he early? What did that mean? He usually took his time showing up, and Robert was sure it was to tease him about keeping him waiting when he complained. 

Another sharp series of knocks but he stayed frozen. Fear of something rushing through his veins. He didn’t understand it. It was just Aaron — just Aaron sounded wrong in his head, but he shook it off. “Get over yourself, Sugden." 

He strode toward the door, one last glance at the stove's reflection and opened the door. Aaron was half turned toward his own doorway, and Robert felt disappointment rush him. Maybe he’d changed his mind, and that was all he’d come to say… 

"Oh,” Aaron stopped still seeing him.

"Hi," Robert said. 

They stood there silent for a long moment, both of their eyes looking anywhere else as not to catch the other’s gaze. Robert mentally berated himself and took a deep breath. “Coming in?” he asked.

Aaron shrugged in that way he did — where it looked like he didn’t care, where it seemed like he was trying to defy the world. Robert felt a rush of relief at the sight of it. It was comforting, and it made him feel like he could breathe again. He took the sight of Aaron in, he was wearing a gray hoodie and black jeans, trainers... It was just Aaron — this time he felt right in his head and something pleasant buzzed in Robert’s bones. 

"It smells good."

"Is that a shock?"

"Didn't know you cooked."

"I cook, of course, I cook, I live alone. Don't you cook?"

Aaron laughed. 

Robert shook his head. "It's nothing really," he walked into the kitchen to make sure the spinach wasn't getting overcooked. 

"What's that?" Aaron made a face looking at the pan.

"Spinach."

Aaron's face wrinkled disgusted. 

"It's very good," he muttered as the stove dinged. "And Salmon's ready, er, the plates are in that cupboard?" he pointed.

Aaron nodded and opened the cupboard. 

Robert hurried around and soon had their plates full and on his small little table, between his kitchen and living area. He watched Aaron stick a spoon into the spinach and push it around. 

"It won't bite."

Aaron gave him a look.

"Just try it, I won't force ya to eat it."

Aaron shrugged, but he put small bit his mouth. Eyes widened, but then he schooled his features. "It's alright."

"Yeah," Robert shook his head and tucked into his own meal.

"Oh...uh... Wow," Aaron said as he bit into the salmon. 

Robert blushed. "It's just fish."

"Fancy fish," Aaron said. 

"Is not," Robert argued. 

Aaron shrugged again. "Where did you learn to cook?"

"Necessity...." Robert hedged. 

Aaron stared at him for a moment and then looked around. "So, uh... Why am I here?"

Robert had been hoping to put that off. "Thought I’d make you tea."

Aaron scoffed at him. 

He shrugged in return.

"Just... This isn't us, is it, this is..."

"Not a date, it's not," Robert defended quickly — probably too quickly.

Aaron looked away for a minute, but then he looked up. “Why did you want to know about Emmerdale?" 

"You're a Dingle."

"You're a Sugden."

Robert laughed. 

"And?" Aaron pressed.

"It's just when are you heading there, you know for Christmas?"

"Friday after work, me and Ads are driving down."

"Yeah, me too..." Robert said. 

Aaron nodded.

"It's just that... Everyone in my family has a... Well, person."

"That's nice?" 

"Not really... Bernice will be insufferable, Andy's wife....hates me..."

"Oh right, Katie," Aaron snickered. 

"What does that mean?"

"Just, heard some stories from me mum, when I mentioned we were neighbors."

An instant crick appeared in Robert’s shoulder, and he shifted in the chair. Shame and irritation rushing through him. He wasn’t proud of his past, it nagged at him sometimes, but he couldn’t take it back. He’d tried apologizing, more than once. The frustration that Katie was never going to let it go just made him tense and made him hate her. So he ended up snapping, "Yeah, whatever, I was a dumb kid, okay and it's complicated, which is why... Katie's a cow.”

"She is a cow," Aaron said after a beat.

"Yeah?" Robert met Aaron's gaze, and his clear blue eyes were just staring right back at him without a lick of judgment. 

"I was right arse as a kid," Aaron offered with a half smile.

Robert felt lighter. "I can see that..."

"You see that?" Aaron smirked. 

"Takes one to know one, right?" Robert grinned. 

"Right... What does Katie being a cow, have to do with anything?"

"I need a date."

Aaron dropped his fork, and Robert cringed — he had no right to ask this, and he felt immediately nervous and started to blab. "I'm not out....well to anyone but Vic... And you, obviously, and well my office, but gossip happens when you sleep with your ex's personal trainer..." He shoved a potato into his mouth to shut himself up. 

And there was nothing but the sound of him chewing for a full minute. 

Aaron, after a moment, bent down and picked up the fork he dropped and tucked back into the salmon in front of him. Robert gulped more than swallowed the potato and watched Aaron for a moment... He wasn’t leaving, he kept glancing at him, and it looked like he was thinking. Was going to say no, was he going to press him about the things he’d just blabbed at him? Robert sighed and wondered why he was eating and hadn't run a mile. 

After another minute, Aaron let the fork clank against the plate. "Personal trainer?"

"He had these arms..." Robert whistled. 

Aaron rolled his eyes. 

"Full disclosure, I called almost every woman I know who is still single but no takers... Like I said I haven't told anyone but my sister that I'm bisexual…” he was blabbing again.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated, especially with my brother..."

"So, um, why are you asking me? You are asking me?"

"Yeah..." Robert felt hot. 

"Why?"

"I don't think I can handle dealing with Katie being smug about me being single, she'll bring up my ex and... And Bernice will be insufferable cause apparently she's with a doctor. I just, I wouldn't even be going if it weren't for Vic..." The words sounded plausible, so Robert told himself they were the truth. 

“Okay."

"I understand... What?" Robert stared at him in surprise.

Aaron shrugged again in and looked around. "You have any beer?"

"Oh. Yeah, sorry... Help yourself."

Aaron stood up and went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles and opened them using the magnet on his fridge. "I need a favor too,” he said after a beat.

"Okay?"

"My mum..."

"Chas."

"Yeah... Uh, she wants to set me up with some doctor. If you can help me deflect that, I can help you out." Aaron offered him the beer bottle. 

Robert took it. "Yeah, deal?" 

"Deal." Aaron clinked their bottles together. 

~~~

Aaron’s hands were wet, and he felt confused. He was washing dishes, he wasn't quite sure how he'd ended up taking off his hoodie and sticking his hands into Robert's Sugden's sink to help him clean up after their tea. But he was washing a skillet, he thought it was a skillet, and glancing at Robert of the corner of his eye and noticing how many freckles were scattered across his cheek. He was trying to count them before the thought to finished. He blushed and turned back to the dishes in the sink. He’d been doing that, a lot, counting freckles and it felt stupid. Who did that? He’d never done anything close to it before in his life. He didn’t watch the men he slept with sleeping — but he had with Robert just last night, he’d woken a bit and found himself staring at his face and wishing the moon was brighter. The light was brighter in the kitchen than it was in the bedroom last night, and he found himself glancing back. Was it even possible to count that many freckles? He sighed. This wasn’t normal, this wasn’t him, he didn’t care about freckles. 

This was different. This whole night was different. They were different, and Aaron wasn’t sure he wanted to know where it was heading, but he felt like it might be impossible to stop it. Had this been a date? Or just another deal? It was a deal. It wasn't a date, it was pretend, they would be pretending to date to keep their families at bay. In different ways, he thought Robert was being dramatic about Katie, his brother, and his step-sister Bernice. How bad could they really be? But then he thought about his mum's crusade to get him to date some doctor... 

A doctor. He shook his head. What would he have in common with a doctor? He glanced at Robert and wondered if they had anything in common? Did they? Did they need too? They were just sex, and really Robert was ambitious, he was in business for a reason, to build up his own business. He’d told Aaron that much, he wasn’t anything but a mechanic… Robert wouldn’t want more with him. So a deal it was, it was just deal on top of a deal. There was no need to make it more complicated than it was in his head, but he felt a need to get him and Robert back to their usual, much simpler page. 

Sex. 

"You didn't need to help, you know," Robert said, breaking into his thoughts as he handed Aaron a towel.

”You cooked,” he said and dried off his hands.

"Just something I make for myself all the time..." Robert shrugged. 

"Well, it didn't taste half bad..." Aaron admitted. 

Robert looked away, and Aaron told himself the man wasn't blushing. Why would he blush at that? "So, uh..." Robert stammered. 

"Robert?" Aaron dropped the towel onto the counter and saw his opportunity. "I'm done talking."

Robert's face shifted into something smug and familiar. Aaron felt immediate relief at the sight of it, at seeing Robert’s ego again — that’d been missing all night, and it was comfortable getting it back. Seeing how sure the man was about his skills and his prowess. It made something churn in Aaron's gut along with the butterflies he felt as Robert stepped into his body space, pushing him against the counter. His eyes were deep green in the light, and his intentions perfectly clear. It was like a switch went off and Aaron knew he caused it, that he lit that fire, and he found himself smirking. 

"Yeah, I'm done talking too...." Robert said darkly, hands grabbing at Aaron's hips and lifting him up. 

Aaron lost his breath as he was easily hoisted onto the counter. Robert knocked his legs apart, stood between them and bent down, his large hands grasping his face, palms a bit damp from the dishes but hot against Aaron’s cheeks and the back of his neck. Robert pressed his lips against Aaron's mouth. They both groaned as they kissed, Aaron felt desperate for it, and Aaron pulled Robert's hair knowing how much he liked it. But not as much Aaron liked Robert’s mouth, he knew how to use his mouth, how to graze his teeth over his bottom lip and flick his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Aaron was addicted to all of it, and he tugged at Robert's hair, opened his mouth wider, and wrapped his legs around Robert's waist and ground them together. 

“Fuck me, Robert.”

“Been waiting all day,“ Robert breathed into his mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

_I’m dreaming of a white Christmas_  
_Just like the ones I used to know_  
Where the treetops glisten and children listen  
To hear sleigh bells in the snow 

It was happening again, there was a crappy Christmas music being sung by a Sinatra wannabe on Robert’s radio station. Aaron tried to reach for the alarm, but he couldn’t move. There were strong arms wrapped tightly around him. Aaron shivered as he realized Robert’s nose was smushed against the back of his neck and warm lips were against his skin. Almost as if Robert kissed him there in his sleep. His eyes slipped closed again, and he rocked his hips back, purposely seeking and found what he wanted. Robert’s erection against his arse and the night before rushed back to him and made his cheeks heat. 

His whole body buzzed with the memories, Robert’s hands, mouth, fingers, cock and he felt himself pushing his hips back, burrowing into Robert’s strong hold and bit his lip as Robert’s arms tightened to keep Aaron close. Sugden was the best sex of his life. He’d never tell him that though, he got far too smug as it was when he saw his effect on Aaron’s body, because the truth was Sugden was under his skin in a way no one else ever been. 

He tried to catch his breath and remind himself that they weren’t a couple — they’d only be pretending. He sighed and forced away the memories of the night before. The Christmas music floated back into his consciousness. It was still White Christmas, and Aaron wrinkled his nose in distaste. He tried again to move out of Robert’s hold, but all he did was end up rocking himself back into Robert — which was impossible to feel bad about.

_I’m dreaming of a white Christmas_  
Just like the ones I used to know  
Where the treetops glisten and children listen  
To hear sleigh bells in the snow 

But the music had to stop, the song that followed could be even worse. This would take drastic measures. He found the arm Robert had slung over his middle, grabbed his wrist, and started to pull him away. He wasn’t about to be careful about it if Robert woke up he had only himself to blame. It was his bloody alarm. 

“Hmmph…” Robert whined in his sleep and tried to tighten his hold on Aaron.

“Let go,” Aaron growled as he worked on moving his arm. 

“No…” Robert slurred.

Aaron huffed out in irritation and jabbed his elbow back, he hit softness, so it must have been Robert’s stomach, and he didn’t bother to suppress his laughter as Robert swore. 

“Fuck, Aaron…what the hell?”

“Let me hit the snooze, will ya?” 

“Huh? What… oh, I like this song.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but Robert loosened his hold, and he lunged forward and turned the damn thing off. It was early yet, though, they hadn’t slept as late as the other morning. Memories of the night before were back — not that they’d gone far. They had time, Aaron thought, and he rolled over so he could face Robert. He was laying on his back, hands behind his head with his eyes focused on Aaron. It made his cheeks heat, but Aaron pretended they weren’t and let his eyes drag down Robert’s chest and his flat stomach. Half wondered how he had such a fit body, didn’t seem the type to work out… 

Aaron had never seen him on any of his morning runs that was for sure, he wished he had, Robert’s arse in some running shorts would be a sight. He reached out and trailed his hands down Robert’s chest, slowly and looked up to find his eyes. Only they were tracking Aaron’s hand, his eyes dark in the gray morning light. 

“Fuck… Aaron, I don’t have time,” Robert whined and grabbed his hand.

“What? It’s early yet.”

“Yeah, and if I want to leave Friday, I have to make sure to get in a billion important phone calls and set up some sales projections…” he trailed off. “I won’t bore ya.”

“Too late, mate,” Aaron shook his head. 

Robert huffed out a laugh. 

“Too bad…”

“Just… come over, later, yeah?” Robert said. 

A yes nearly flew from his mouth, but somehow he swallowed it. Felt a bit like he choked on it but it wasn’t enough to make him try to say it. Something insecure and afraid was in control of him now. It was for the best too, he told himself. Because what was he doing? He was letting himself get in too deep with Robert, and that was dangerous. They were just two men who had a deal, they weren’t together. There was no them. Even if when he was with him, it felt like there was — there wasn’t. It was an arrangement. And it was best to remember that before they spent a lot of time together to in Emmerdale and lied to their families. He felt a stab of guilt about lying to his mum, but he couldn’t date a doctor, any more than he could really be with Robert… 

“Aaron?” Robert’s hand was on his shoulder, and Aaron felt spun at the concern he saw there, and it spurred him on. He couldn’t let this get out of hand.

“Should we maybe, I mean we leave soon, take a breather? About to be together a lot, you know?” 

“Right, yeah.” Robert dropped his hand from his shoulder and started to get out of the bed. His movements abrupt and his head turned away so, Aaron couldn’t see him. “Good idea, we might get fed up with each other.”

“That’s…” regret burned in his chest, and he stuttered out the start of a denial. He wanted to say that wasn’t what he meant, but it had been — it’d been exactly what he meant. 

“Like I said, I really got to get into work, so going to take a shower,” Robert said, his tone formal and dismissive.

Aaron collapsed back into the bed and hated himself. He stared at the door that Robert shut behind him and felt the urge to follow him right into his shower and take it all back. Make him late for work again and forget the idea of putting some boundaries up to protect himself. To protect himself, that was why he’d done it. He sighed and crawled out of bed and started to get dressed. 

He was slipping on his jeans when the sound drifted through the closed to door to his ears. It was White Christmas again, only this time it was Robert singing it, and it wasn’t hard on the ears at all. Aaron stilled and listened to a few lines until he realized he was smiling and thinking that for generally being a smug arsehole Robert was kind of cute…

Cute.

_Cute._

He was letting Robert mess with his head. 

~~~

“If I hear you singing about glistening trees for one more minute, Robert….” 

Robert turned his head toward Leyla. “What?”

“That bloody song you keep singing.”

“Am I?” he looked back at the sales proposition he was typing. “Sorry, it was playing on the radio…” he trailed off knowing that wasn’t the truth because he was stuck on the part of the song that been playing Aaron elbowed him awake. He couldn’t get him out of his head… the intense pleasure of the night before and the awkward and unpleasant morning that followed it.

Though that confused him. One minute Aaron’s initiating sex and the next he’s saying they need a break. The logic was sound. He almost even agreed with it — except for the fact he didn’t want to agree with it. He wanted Aaron, he just wanted him, it was a craving that was buzzing under his skin. He was hurt, and he shouldn’t be… Aaron owed him nothing. He shouldn’t have felt rejected, because it wasn’t and he wanted to text him, or hell call him and try to talk him out of them skipping the night. 

But he couldn’t because they weren’t anything, Aaron wasn’t his boyfriend, and they had an arrangement. A simple and perfect relationship where they both got fantastic sex without any strings attached. There weren’t meant to be pesky emotions that were doing his head in…  
He never should have asked him to go to Emmerdale.

“Yeah, airwaves are full of that dreck,” Leyla said, pulling him out of his head — for a second.

“What is it with everyone hating Christmas music?” And there it was he was already back to Aaron.

“They have sense.”

“I think he’s just a music snob…” he muttered. 

“He? He who?” he heard the squeak of a chair and turned to find Leyla by his desk looking at him with big eyes. “Who?”

“No one,” And damn it now he’d given a cat a mouse. 

“Oh, no, not no one.” 

“Shut up.”

“Who is he?”

“A music snob, like you, apparently…” Robert frowned as he mistyped customer and deleted it and waved at his keyboard while looking at Leyla. “I really need to get this stuff done if I want to leave early tomorrow.”

“Right, big family Christmas. Have you found a date?” 

Bloody hell… Robert stiffened and sighed. “Yeah, but I might call it off.”

“Why?”

“It might be getting too complicated,” he muttered and really contemplated the thought of calling it off and hated how it chaffed against him from the inside out. He didn’t want to tell Aaron to forget it — that was a problem.

“Why?” 

“Do you know any other words, Leyla?” he snapped.

“I know arsehole,” she shot back.

He rolled his eyes at her and sighed, caving in and giving her what she wanted. Maybe she could help? “I… decided to ask the music snob if you must know. We have… a casual thing and he was going to Emmerdale anyway. Turns out he needs a cover too, to stop his mum from setting him up…”

“He rubs your back, you rub his,” Leyla smirked. 

“It’s…” he cringed at how bad that sounded and started to argue but it wasn’t really wrong, it just felt wrong because… It was Aaron. “Well…Yeah, it is like that.”

“What’s the trouble?”

 _I want him too much._ Robert shook his head at himself. “Nothing really… just don’t know, maybe it’s not a good idea… we aren’t serious, it’s meant to be casual.”

“So? It’s just a bit of an arrangement, right? Doesn’t mean it’s not still simple.”

“I don’t know…think it might complicate this….” Had it already? Was that why Aaron rushed away this morning?  
“Or, you’re overthinking it?” Leyla said. 

“You think?”

“Maybe… usually, the thinking that gets me in trouble,” she said and pushed her chair back to her own desk with her feet. 

She was probably right; he was just overthinking it. He was disappointed. It was the second morning in a row, he had the chance at sex, and it was denied. He’d been the one to turn him down, even, just put it on offer for later. So what Aaron that said no? He had his own life, he owed Robert nothing — nothing at all. They weren’t together, their arrangement didn’t mean they put things on hold for the other. Aaron was being practical that was all. They should probably take a bit of a break before spending a holiday together to enact a ruse. 

Though when would they really get a lot of chances to be together in Emmerdale? Families and the village probably all in the way. He remembered how much he hated going home and he doubted even Aaron could make that better. He felt tense, and maybe that was it, he wanted some sex to help him relax. To help him not think about how Andy was going to take it. 

To not think about the fact he’d decided to come out. What was he thinking? He swallowed and leaned back in his chair to take a few breaths. Glancing at Leyla and happy to see she’d stuck her earphones in and wouldn’t notice his little breakdown. The truth was he was tired of hiding it from everyone in his family — Vic knew. She’d been brilliant. He wanted too and really what better way to do it than with Aaron — someone he knew the village saw as a good guy. Andy’s possible reaction scared him, though, what if it was like Jack’s…

He shuddered a bit at the bad memory and shoved it away. 

He just needed to focus, he needed to be sure he and Aaron faked it right. That they covered all possible bases so no one would think they were lying. It had to look believable. And they really did need to go over the details. He grabbed his cell phone from the desk and opened it to their text thread. 

_R: We need to discuss details._

_A: Details?_

_R: How long we’ve been dating, how we met, you know some basic details._

_A: We met in the elevator, got to talking realized we were a Dingle and a Sugden and had a laugh. Truth works best, yeah?_

Robert stared at his answer and found himself smiling. It was the truth, and really it was that simple. It was that realization they’d both called the same village home once upon a time that led to their connection. He blushed remembering how slapped in the face he’d felt when he first set eyes on Aaron. Most gorgeous man he’d ever seen, and he’d been standing right next to him. He smiled wider and realized it did track for a real relationship. And he’d learned a long time ago the best lies were full of the truth. But the fact it was a lie made something twist painfully inside of him, but he shoved it away. Right now was about facts and making sure they weren’t found out. 

_R: Yeah, you’re right, that covers it._

_A: Done then?_

Robert shook his head, he could think of a few other things maybe they should cover, but Aaron clearly didn’t want too. He wanted to keep them simple and on track. He wanted distance between them, and he was right. Wasn’t he? Robert sighed and decided to be done with it then. Conversation over. He’d been planning to try to segue the planning into another invite. But he wouldn’t, do that, no it was best he wasn’t going to see Aaron tonight. There really wasn’t anything to be disappointed over? 

But he didn’t put down the cell phone. 

_R: Why do you hate Christmas music?_

_A: Too cheery._

Robert smirked because he could see the scowl Aaron would be wearing and maybe it’d be followed by that shrug of his where it looked like he was taking on the world. It was endearing, and it was sexy, and Robert groaned inwardly as he realized what he was doing. He needed to stop because he needed their arrangement to be what it was — it needed to be casual, it needed to be a lie to his family. He wasn’t ready for anything beyond that. 

He wasn’t.

So, no Aaron — at least not tonight anyway. He shoved the phone away from him and told himself he wouldn’t think about Aaron for the rest of the day. It didn’t work, but he lied to himself about it. Every time some random thought led him to wonder what Aaron was doing, what he was thinking if he was being cute and grumpy? Robert shoved the thoughts away, told himself it was nothing, and buried himself back into his work. There was a lot to do if he wasn’t coming in on Friday, so it kept him busy at least if not totally distracted. 

There was the problem of Emmerdale as well, it wasn’t only Aaron. He wasn’t looking forward to it. Emmerdale was a hard place for him to be — he fought against thinking about it as a home. Even if that thought would slip in from time to time. He wished he could just get Victoria to move. To come to Hotten, or anywhere else because his life would be much easier. He could leave Emmerdale in the rear view where he needed it to be. Because he could go the rest of his life never seeing Andy’s face again…he could.

Hours later, he was frowning as he walked outside to the car park. It was snowing. Again. He hoped it wouldn’t tomorrow, he hated driving in the stuff, and long distance would be a bitch. He ducked his down into a cold wind and hurried toward his car. He didn’t have any gloves or a hat, he was freezing. Soon he slung his bag over his shoulder and shoved his hands in his trousers. All the cars he passed were all pretty well covered by the snow, and he moaned as he realized he would have to clear his windows. His mood was getting more and more sour by the second. 

It really plummeted when he opened the door, got in, put his key in the ignition and nothing happened. He tried it again. Not even a click. He tried again. “Shit, come on…” he tried the car one more time. It wasn’t going to turn over, cursing he pulled out his phone and opened his contacts to find his car service number. 

But Aaron’s name was on the top of his contacts. 

Aaron who worked at that garage near their flats. 

He opened their text thread. 

_R: My car won’t start. You know where I work?_

He held his breath for the half minute it took for his phone to light up. 

_A: No, where?_

_R: 80 Parkway._

_On my way._

~~~ 

Aaron spent the day fighting and failing to not think about Robert. It was all Robert’s fault because it was that damn song. White Christmas. It kept playing in the garage’s music rotation, and the minute he clocked it playing his mind went to Robert. Either it was the ghost of his arms wrapped around Aaron, in a way that implied he didn’t want to let go. Aaron sighed and remembered it’d been a struggle to get him to let go...and every time the song caused the memory to make his skin tingle, his face flushed with both embarrassment and remembered heat. And if it wasn’t that, it was Robert singing the bloody song loudly in the shower like an idiot, which caused Aaron to think he was cute.

Cute. It felt dangerous because that wasn’t lust. That wasn’t just sex, and Aaron growled internally every time his mind conjured up Robert and his freckled skin, in the shower singing about snow... Because his focus wasn’t his skin, or how attracted he was to his body, no it was the bloody freckles, his voice and how ridiculously endearing it was Robert loved Christmas music. 

He kept thinking about how he’d wanted to just burrow into his hold and sleep like that forever. He kept thinking about his face and his freckles and that he could sing in key. That Robert was a dork who sang in the shower and not just sang, but it was White Christmas he was crooning into shampoo bottle-- or at least that was what Aaron’s mind had conjured for him. And he never thought of himself as someone with an imagination. 

“It’s just sex,” he muttered and not for the first time. Simple. Easy. Sex. It wasn’t a relationship, and he just wanted Robert for his fit body and his skills in bed -- he was good at it, and Aaron felt good at it when he was with him. His skin heated again as he remembered the night before, in Robert’s kitchen, his back against cupboards and his legs around his waist. It’d been hot, sweaty, passionate and nothing more than that ...It wasn’t more than that, and it wasn’t meant to be. 

Aaron nodded to himself and reminded himself of the truth. He wasn’t looking for someone to spend his life with. All he wanted right now was casual. He was in his early twenties and living on his own for the first time. He and Adam planned to live it up, have the best time they could every weekend. To really be their ages and live out of sight of their mums for the first time. He was in no hurry to grow up. He was tired of the things that held him back in the past, and he wasn’t going to let it anymore. His whole life was in front of him, and there was no need to settle down with the first fit bloke he met -- he and Robert weren’t even dating. They just had a deal, it was friends with benefits, though they’d maybe done it backward. Benefits first, friends next -- but it wasn’t going past friends. 

Especially since he wasn’t really who a man like Robert ended up with. Robert, he’d probably settle down with a trophy wife — maybe husband — who fit in with the posh boss he was always trying to impress. And he, he would end up with someone more like him, someone who didn’t wear suits and didn’t want to impress people with fake smiles and big bank accounts. It was better that way, Aaron told himself. 

But with Emmerdale looming ahead of them, with them agreeing to pretend to more than what they were Aaron felt fear. It almost felt like it already changed things, it was why he’d pushed him away. It was why he hadn’t given in and followed him into the shower. It was why thinking Robert was cute was messing with his head... He’d never thought that about a bloke in his life. Like he’d never counted freckles before. He sighed and told himself it was going to make the holiday easier for both of them. And it fell into the parameters of their friends with benefits arrangement. But it was complicating things, wasn’t it? Because he thought Robert Sugden was cute. That wasn’t part of either of their deals, that wasn’t in the parameters of a casual relationship — was it? It just wasn’t something he should be thinking. 

“Just sex,” he muttered and tried to block out White Christmas as it started to play again. He didn’t do Christmas music, and he didn’t do cute. That wasn’t him. Aaron found himself pounding things harder than usual, putting more shoulder into screwing in the engine parts than he needed too. It helped him remind himself he was a guy who worked at a garage. They couldn’t be more, a guy like Robert wouldn’t want him as more than a casual fuck. And he didn’t want more either, he wasn’t looking for that. He wanted something fun, easy, and uncomplicated, which was why he had made a deal with Robert in the first place. And was why he’d agreed to help him in Emmerdale, to stop his mum setting him up to end up dating a doctor. He screwed up his face into a scowl. 

At least Robert was down to earth. He liked good beer and bad television. Granted they never watched the telly for very long, but it was never something pretentious. And he could with talk with Robert, even if it was to tease him about his crap taste in music and roll his eyes that he actually ate spinach. Even if was just sporadic random texts about nothing throughout the week. It was simple and easy because it wasn’t anything besides what it was on the surface. What would he even say on a blind date with a doctor? His mum was mad, they’d have nothing in common, and he’d look like a right idiot. He had to bring Robert home with him -- he just needed to keep the two of them on the same page. Remember they’ve made a deal and it doesn’t mean anything deeper. It doesn’t change anything. 

_But it felt different this morning._ Because he’d woken up for the second day in a row in Robert’s arms. The memory of it was back, the ghost of the grip Robert had on him and how he hadn’t wanted to let go. How Aaron had wanted to burrow in and never leave. He was right back where he started, and it was all on him now. He couldn’t blame White Christmas because Deck the Halls was blaring cheerily out of the speakers. Robert probably liked this too, would probably sing it in the shower... And he’d wanted to follow him into that shower, almost had until the word cute entered his mind. He hadn’t wanted to push Robert away, but it’d come out his mouth too. Maybe if they’d just had sex, none of this worry and fear would have rushed into him. It’d given him time to think, to look at Robert. God, he wanted Robert, but Robert pushed him away, talking about being busy, but he had invited Aaron back... 

And Aaron had bottled it and said no, his brain catching up with how close they were and how he’d wanted to slam the breaks. He almost wanted to cancel their plans to lie to their families. But he couldn’t do it just like he couldn’t take back his no about tonight. Aaron wanted to take what he’d said back, and he thought about grabbing his phone and texting Robert that he’d changed his mind. But no, he couldn’t do that... He’d made a stink about it. Robert shut down on him a bit too, Aaron frowned and wondered why…had he hurt him? No, that was daft? Robert Sugden was fine with their arrangement, he wasn’t driving himself mad with second thoughts and being afraid of ruining everything. 

Aaron groaned when he saw it was near time for him to clock out and all he’d done all day was think about Robert. That was, of course, when his cell phone chirped. It was Robert, and that was strange, he hadn’t expected to hear from him again. He’d texted earlier in the day about them coming up with a story. Aaron had shot down coming up with a lie, or anything complicated. Suggested they stick with the truth. He didn’t want things to seem rehearsed, his mum could spot a con a mile off. It was the curse of being a Dingle. A part of him had been disappointed when Robert took that suggestion, and the conversation ended. Part of him had done it on purpose, but a part of him had hoped Robert would invite him over again -- he knew he would say yes if he did. It was about sex, not anything else. And tried to tell himself he wasn’t disappointed Robert hadn’t asked. He’d stopped himself from suggesting, he’d decided on the boundary, so he couldn’t take it back. 

Even though he wanted too. 

Now though, going around and around in his head all day he’d gotten himself around to liking the idea of that boundary again. He needed it because Robert was messing with his head. He kept thinking about what-ifs, he was focused on how endearing Robert could be, and that wasn’t going to do him any good.

He looked at his phone and almost ignored it, but in the end, he couldn’t and opened the text. And thank goodness he did because Robert needed him. After quickly signing out for the night, he was in the garage’s truck and heading to find Robert. He knew Robert didn’t have an account with them, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was getting him out of the snow, what mattered was helping him. What mattered was seeing him. 

Soon enough, he was there, and he tried to ignore the sound of his heart in his ears. Robert was easy to spot, or that was what Aaron told himself. He wasn’t the only person standing around their car, of course. A lot of people were there knocking snow off their cars before their drive home. Robert was the only one with snow already knocked off his car, standing beside it hopping in place with his hands shoved in his pockets trying to keep warm. It was cute, and Aaron swore at himself, told himself to just focus on helping him with his car, but his eyes fell down to his arse as he pulled the garage’s truck into the space by Robert’s car. 

“I was so stupid, think I left the lights on…” Robert said the minute Aaron popped out of the truck.

“It happens,” Aaron shrugged.

“I love this car.” 

“It’s just the battery, mate.”

“Just it’s the best thing I own,” Robert sighed his eyes focused on the car. “I should’ve noticed I left the lights on.”

“Maybe you didn’t, it’s cold,” Aaron said, unable to control the urge to make Robert feel better. He could see it Robert’s face how badly he felt about the situation. _It’s not cute._ “How old is the battery?”

“One that came with the car…” Robert muttered and turned back toward him. 

“Where’d you find this anyway? Don’t see a lot of 944’s around anymore?” He asked, to distract Robert and out of curiosity. 

“Always wanted a Porsche, so was saving up and keeping an eye on the car sales in the newspapers and online. Actually, it was a bit of a bidding war with some other buyer but I was able to offer more money… more than I wanted to spend, but it was worth it,” Robert said, his expression shifting from guilt to a familiar smug pride, that Aaron kind of hated he found so attractive. 

“Good mileage?”

“No, but get her on the open road and hit the throttle and just ride,” Robert flashed a bright smile. 

“Have to let me drive it, so I can see for myself?” Aaron asked and found himself stepping closer to Robert. 

“You think I’d let you drive my car?” Robert gaped at him, but he was leaning in closer to Aaron by the second.

“I’m persuasive.” He smirked.

“Don’t know if you’re that persuasive, Dingle,” Robert laughed as he grabbed the ends of Aaron’s coat and tugged him fully into his space. 

Aaron swayed into Robert’s hold, just allowed himself to fall into Robert’s personal space, and it felt like he belonged there. There was a sense of inevitability. It pulsed through him, there was a belonging that he craved. He felt it all in the second before their mouths touched. Robert’s lips were cold, but Aaron wasn’t all sure it was that that made him shiver in his hold. Immediately, his hands flew up to Robert’s shoulders and gripped tight at his coat, needing to yank him closer. He wanted no space between them. He grinned when he felt cold hands land on his face, Robert holding him place, pressing him ever closer as he licked his way into Aaron’s mouth. His mouth opened up for him, both of them hungry for the kiss. Their tongues met, and Aaron’s mind boggled because it felt so familiar now, a taste he knew and loved, but it also felt new, like the first time. Both things couldn’t exist simultaneously, could they? They swayed together, neither worrying about breathing and kept kissing. Aaron felt Robert hit the side of the truck and instantly pressed him more firmly against it. They ground togther and moaned unison. 

“GET A ROOM.” 

They flew apart, and Aaron was sure he’d never blushed so hard in his life. His heart was pounding, but he felt no guilt at all. Just some embarrassment at being caught so publicly and a bit of relief she hadn’t said anything homophobic at all. He noticed Robert looked as red as he felt, and when their eyes met, there was a bit of panic in his green-blue eyes. And they turned their heads in the direction of the shout. It was a woman with three kids in tow was glaring at them. Her eyes were slit in a mother’s scold, nothing more than that and Aaron saw Robert relax right before his head ducked down, Aaron realized he’d followed suit, his embarrassment rising up again. But then they looked up when their gazes locked they started laughing — a bent over, deep belly laughs as they shared the absurdity and embarrassment of the moment. 

After a bit, Aaron cleared his throat and pointed to the truck. “Get in and warm up, I’ll check it is your battery.”

It took Robert a bit to catch up with the change in the subject, but he nodded. Rubbing his hands together, Aaron realized a bit more how cold he must be since he was without gloves. “I left the key in the ignition,” he said before climbing into the truck. 

Aaron watched him hop into the passenger seat, and slid into the Porsche and tried the ignition. Nothing. He nodded to himself and popped the hood open, hopped out of the car and checked the battery connection and walked around the back of the garage’s truck for the cables. As he passed the window, he knocked to get Robert’s attention. “Pop the hood?” 

He nodded, and Aaron opened up and connected the two cars, then motioned for Robert to turn the car on. As he walked over to join Robert in the truck as they waited for the battery to get charged up, he noticed it was starting to snow again.

“Hope it stops all this snowing by tomorrow…” Robert grumbled, the second Aaron was in the truck.

“Same, Ads can’t drive for shit in snow…” 

Robert looked at him there, for a long moment, Aaron felt a blush form on his cheeks from the scrutiny. “Maybe you should drive with me?” Robert asked. 

“That car of yours isn’t meant for snow, mate,” Aaron said to cover how flustered he felt. 

“Hey, don’t knock my car,” Robert said, but his tone was teasing.

“Truth innit?” Aaron grinned.

Robert faux-glared at him and his eyes crinkled up as e laughed. Aaron inwardly groaned at how fit he looked but couldn’t stop from grinning back and found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. 

“So…” Robert’s voice was low.

“So?”

“This close enough to a room?” Robert asked his voice dropping even lower but also softer, so much softer. 

Aaron felt his belly flip at the tone and licked his lips. He thought he was nodding and realized he must have when he felt Robert’s breath against his lips second before he was kissed. It felt right, and it felt expected, he melted into it. He moved into Robert, as Robert yanked at him and soon he was straddling Robert in the passenger seat. They kissed fast and desperate until they had to break apart both of them breathing heavily. Robert’s hands were caressing Aaron’s thighs, and Aaron stroked the nape of Robert’s neck with his thumb. Their faces so close they were breathing the same air. 

“Thought you wanted a break,” Robert whispered. 

“We’re both here,” Aaron faked nonchalance with a well-practiced shrug. But he didn’t feel it. There wasn’t anything casual about this and wondered if it ever was. Would he always feel this upended around Robert? He felt the urge to run, but it was tiny compared to the want and the need he felt. It was easy to dismiss when his heart was beating so wildly in his chest. 

“Maybe...” Robert’s voice was soft again, in that way it’d been before the kiss and Aaron swallowed hard.

“Maybe what?”

“I do drive with you to Emmerdale?” Robert asked again.

“Go down together?” Aaron nodded and stroked his thumb down the back of Robert’s neck again. 

“And back together,” Robert whispered, his hands pressing into Aaron’s thighs. 

“For our cover?” Aaron asked and worried his lower lip with his teeth. 

One of Robert’s hands moved up, and his thumb came up, stroking over where Aaron had bit his lip. “It’d be smart, right?”

“Okay...” Aaron whispered, and he felt flipped inside out, and their eyes met again, and there was no stopping now. Aaron surged forward and kissed Robert again, and he was met with equal force.


	3. Chapter 3

They opened their eyes at the same time. Robert was sure of it because one moment he was asleep and the next his eyes were blinking open and looking right into sleep-filled, most beautiful blue eyes and he’d never seen a nicer sight. It made him grin and his hand curved onto Aaron’s cheek. He loved the scratch of stubble against his palm. He loved how Aaron leaned his face into the touch with a minute motion. 

They kissed. It was nearly instant, and there was no telling who moved first. It was soft, a soft kiss, nearly chaste. It was sleepy and a hello, and it felt right, Robert thought — almost too right. His mind idly tried to remember what it was like to wake up alone in bed. When was the last time he’d woken up alone? He nearly whimpered as their mouths broke apart. The only sound was their breathing for a long moment, and Robert found himself lost in Aaron’s eyes again. He found himself searching for the name that defined the shade of blue. Because icy was wrong, they were far too warm for that, what was a warm blue? 

“You have to work?” Aaron their broke the silence.

Robert groaned and pressed his forehead against Aaron’s. 

Aaron sighed. 

“Not yet, though,” Robert pressed their mouths together again. It was as soft and sleepy as their first kisses. At least it started, and for a brief second, Robert wondered what he was doing — they weren’t meant to be soft and nice. It wasn’t meant to be sleepy and sweet. But then he felt Aaron’s tongue slip its way between his lips. Robert moaned at the taste of him and deepened the kiss and felt himself be pulled onto Aaron. He groaned as he straddled over Aaron’s hips and was about to start grinding down when there was a loud bang. 

“Oh, man…shit, my eyes...” Adam Barton shouted. 

Robert rushed back to where he was, grabbing at the covers, realizing he was naked and felt his entire body heat up in an embarrassed flush. Aaron grabbed at the blankets too as he cursed out Adam. 

“Heard of knocking.”

“Didn’t know you had company, mate... I’m sorry,” Adam said.

“What?” Aaron growled when Adam didn’t leave.

“Change of plans, Holls missed her train... I gotta drive up to pick her up now before heading home. Your gonna have to take your car on your own.”

“Robert’s coming with me, anyway,” Aaron said. 

Adam’s eyebrows rose up. “Oh... Nice. So, not driving alone.”

Aaron nodded.

Every one of them stayed still, and Robert narrowed his eyes into a glare at Adam. But he stood in the doorway, not moving. So he nudged Aaron. Aaron glanced at him and then at his friend. 

“Oi,” he shouted at Adam.

Adam blinked looked at them and laughed, “Yeah, yeah...” And finally, he was gone.

“Sorry about him, he’s a muppet.” 

Robert inhaled, and his mind went from sleepy ease to being sharply awake. And freaked out by how he felt, how much he liked waking up to Aaron. How much he wondered about the color of his eyes. Things were starting to catch up to him. They were only supposed to be having sex. Casual sex, not sweet and sleepy kisses. He wasn’t meant to stare into eyes and wish he could drown in them. Sure he’d asked Aaron the favor of being his ‘date’ for the holidays. It was a favor. But this, what they were doing? How often were they waking up togther -- that went against the idea of casual in a million ways? Suddenly he couldn’t breathe, suddenly he was no longer angry at Adam’s interruption. He was angry at himself for wishing there been no interruption. “Yeah... It was for best really, sooner I go into the office sooner we can start off.”

Robert got out of the bed and started grabbing at his clothes. He told himself no to look at Aaron. But he did it anyway like he was powerless to stop it. And Aaron sat there in the bed, his hair a curly mess, and he was worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Robert felt the urge to stop that with his thumb, to push the teeth away from Aaron’s lip and put his own lips there instead. And he felt a rush of endearment toward him that made his head spin. No, no, he didn’t need this, this wasn’t meant to be more than sex. 

There needed to be distance. 

He remembered they’d agreed not to do anything last night -- even though he’d been mad about it, he hadn’t fought the idea. It was for the best, but he hadn’t stood by that. The moment Aaron was within touching distance, he couldn’t keep his hands off of him. _inevitable_ whispered in his mind, but he shoved it aside and decided to state the deal -- deals, they’d made. This was an arrangement. It was business. It wasn’t dating, they didn’t have some deep connection -- they didn’t. He had to put them back on the right page. 

“Look, just you know thanks for doing me this favor, with helping to keep my family off my back. I know it’s the holidays and all you probably have better things do. But you know when we get back home, things can return to normal, right?”

“Normal?” 

“Yeah... You know, our no strings attached deal.” 

“Yeah, whatever...” Aaron muttered gave a quick shrug and started to move to get dressed. 

It was as if Robert just asked him about the weather. And hurt slammed into his chest. It was like a punch, and he almost felt breathless. And he felt stupid. It shouldn’t hurt that Aaron was fine with the status quo. It was what he wanted -- it was... He wanted Aaron to be nonchalant about it. He wanted to not care because what they had, it was only about sex. Casual, no strings attached sex. So he forced himself to nod. To pretend he wasn’t upset by Aaron’s reaction to him laying down the rules and hopped into his jeans and hurried out of the room. Adam was standing in the kitchen and called out to him. “A brew, mate?”

“Nah, I’ll grab a coffee on my way to work.”

“Suit yourself.”

Robert slammed the door to the flat behind him and told himself to not think about Aaron, at least not until he got out of work and they left for Emmerdale. 

~~~

He was fine. At least that was what he told himself as he went about his morning. It wasn’t like he hadn’t told Robert the same thing, just the day before -- had it been that short of a time. Why did it feel longer? Maybe because they’d backtracked on it. Not skipping the night, falling into bed anyway. Not just any bed, Aaron’s bed. Breaking some unspoken rule, they only slept at Robert’s place. 

He was fine. Robert was right. It shouldn’t hurt him and make his skin feel tight. He was perfectly fine. Though he’d be better if Adam would stop staring at him. Aaron could feel his eyes tracking his every move from the moment he walked out of his room and went into the kitchen to make a brew. He was waiting for his toast to pop out of the toaster when he finally snapped and turned glared at him.

“Mate...” Adam held up his hands in surrender. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting a move on pick up Holly?”

“Gonna finish my breakie first.” He held up his bacon sarnie. 

Aaron rolled his eyes. 

“Just... I thought things were casual with Sugden.”

“They are,” Aaron said through gritted teeth.

“You two are going home together.”

“Just in the same car...”

“You’re gonna tell your mum you’re seeing him.”

“Ain’t really a lie...”

“He’s making you his official holiday date.”

“It’s a favor, it’s nothing, we both know the deal... When we get back, everything reverts back...” Aaron swallowed the sigh that escaped unbidden and focused on buttering his toast. 

“Reverts to what exactly.”

“Sex.”

“Sex?” Adam snorted

“Have you forgotten what that is, mate?” Aaron snapped back.

“Haha... I have no trouble pulling.”

“If you say so.”

“You and him have been having little sleepovers for a full week.”

“As if... It’s been...” Aaron shook his head as he couldn’t come up with a way to disprove him.

“A week, Aaron. And last week it was at least half the week... I mean have you even slept with anyone else in the last few months?”

“I don’t keep a roster.”

“I don’t think you two are all that casual, mate.”

Robert’s voice echoed annoyingly in his ears. His tone been harsh, formal, business-like. Because that was how he saw things, Robert saw their deal as a business arrangement. It was for casual sex only -- not anything more, not even a little. After Christmas, they were going to back to their original deal, and there would be nothing extra. Nothing at all. Because they were nothing. He swallowed over a lump in his throat and told himself it didn’t hurt. Told himself he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Told himself even if he was, Robert Sugden wasn’t the guy he’d want one with. He was a cad, he slept around, he took himself too seriously. And he was out Aaron’s league really, too smart, too ambitious, too bright for the likes of some mechanic. No, he’d want some trophy wife in the long run, that was who Robert Sugden was... 

Aaron didn’t want him anyway, so he shrugged at Adam. “It is what it is, mate.”

Adam just shook his head. 

~~~

To say it was tense in the car was an understatement. 

Robert knew he’d done it. He’d put the distance between them and created the awkward silence. But he couldn’t figure what do do about it because he wasn’t going take what he said back about them getting back to their usual arrangement after Christmas. 

But he was in hell, and he couldn’t stop stealing glances of Aaron. He tried to stop. Tried to stop looking at his perfect profile and thinking he looked beautiful. He kept telling himself he meant fit, that he meant sexy, but it wasn’t at all what was swirling around in his brain and making it feel like he couldn’t breathe. It was making the silence worse, the distance worse. He told himself he wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone, especially Aaron Dingle -- if only he could up with a reason why? 

He really couldn’t think of any, especially when glanced at him and knew he could stare at him forever and never get bored. He tried to push it all out of his head. Wished he knew how to break the silence, because maybe if they spoke, he could pretend he wasn’t all messed up in the head, because conversation tended to be easy for them. Or at least it had been. The silence was getting to him, and he drummed his fingers on his thighs, sighed, then leaned forward to turn on the radio

Aaron slapped his hand away. “No.”

“No?” Robert echoed.

“No way we’re listening to schmaltzy Christmas tunes on this drive, Sugden.”

“We’ll find a station that doesn’t play them.”

“Radio sucks, it’ll only get those bloody stations, especially out here on these roads. We’re going to the middle of nowhere.”

“Tell me about...” Robert groaned. “I hate it there.”

Aaron glanced at him. “It’s not that bad...”

“It is, it is that bad...” he said. 

“What, you really hate it that much?”

“If Vic didn’t insist on staying, I’d never set foot in Emmerdale again.”

He felt Aaron’s eyes on him and shifted in his seat, started drumming his fingers on his thighs again and leaned into the seat more, slipping down a bit and stretched back his neck. 

“Why?” Aaron asked after a beat, his voice sounding strained. 

“Why?”

“Do you hate Emmerdale?”

“It’s complicated...” His dad’s face, screwed up in disgust, shouting at him to leave and never come back appeared in his mind. Against his will and he couldn’t push it away. “I never wanted to be a farmer,” came out of his mouth, though it really did nothing to explain it at all. 

Aaron laughed. 

“Exactly, it’s laughable, me a farmer? I hated it, I hated everything about it, but all heard growing up was you couldn’t be a man unless you worked the earth. Like it’s Biblical times... I wanted to read, I wanted to do something more with my life, and my dad hated me for it...” He swallowed at as the real truth came to him. His father’s face when he’d found him kissing a lad in his bedroom. How that same hard look in his eyes followed Robert for the rest of his life afterward. “He hated me.”

“My dad’s... a deadbeat,” Aaron cleared his throat. “Sometimes we’re better off without them than with them...”

Robert shrugged, faking agreement and nonchalance he could never feel. Wishing a piece of him didn’t crave his father’s approval. He could never get it. Jack Sugden was dead and gone, and any chance of something getting better gone with it -- and Robert hated that it killed him. “Yeah, well, never can know it could’ve gotten better...” He swallowed the second he realized he said it out loud. 

“He knew?” Aaron asked with a glance, and Robert realized how astute he could be. 

“Yeah...” He admitted and swallowed. “And Andy just brings it all up, he’s adopted, but he’s just like my dad...” Robert sighed. “I mean that’s the only problem with Andy and me...” He thought about his mum and curled his hands into fists. “I just hate it there, it’s too many bad memories. If it weren’t for Vic...” 

Aaron was quiet for a few minutes, then cleared his throat. “Like I said, things with my dad... Bad... And I ran off, you know but the Dingles, they took me in, and I found and got to know my mum... It was good, and I don’t mind them and all, just can’t live with them. You’re always surrounded, it’s always loud. Like my own space and want to make it on my own, you know?” 

“Yeah? Own your own garage?” Robert asked, grateful to him for changing the subject.

“What?” Aaron looked at him like he was mad. “Why’d you think that?”

“Good with cars, aren’t ya?” Robert said, thinking it made sense, no reason he should work for someone else was there. He shook his head at Aaron’s disbelief. “Why not?”

“Fixing ’em sure,” Aaron laughed. 

“You’d be your own boss, you should think on it,” He said and found himself staring at his profile again and had to force himself to look away. He started thinking about what they were about to do, about to say to people -- to his family and he thought about Vic. His sister was smart, and she was nosy. “So...been thinking.

Aaron made a face. “Sounds dangerous.”

“Anyway... I mean, I know we decided to stick with the truth and all, but we’re gonna get asked questions. Vic’s right nosy, and I remember your mum enough to know she likes to stick her nose in...”

“Oi.”

“True, though, innit?”

“Yeah...” Aaron chuckled. “What is it you think we should be ready for?”

“Personal questions.”

“Like?”

“If you know my favorite food.”

“What?” Aaron scoffed.

“Vic’s a foodie.”

“Fine, what is your favorite food?”

Robert balked, his mum in his suddenly and he looked away from Aaron feeling like an idiot. He’d walked himself into a memory that hurt more than it should, but he never found a way to tell it. He meant to just lie, but instead, the truth flew out of his mouth, “Maybe you wouldn’t know it yet, but uh, lasagne.”

“Why wouldn’t I know it yet?”

“It’s just... It was mum’s recipe, she usually ruined it but...”

“You love food, your mum ruined?”

“Family thing... Don’t worry about the details, in fact, I’d probably tell you it was salmon or something.”

“That meal you made us?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Okay,” Aaron agreed with a soft smile, and Robert knew he knew he was upset and felt his heart pound in his chest. 

“You?” he asked to distract himself.

“Toast.”

“TOAST?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s just warmed bread, Aaron.”

“Good though, easy to make...”

“Is that all you know how to cook?”

Aaron shrugged. 

“What might your mum ask?”

“If you’ve ruined any lives recently....” Aaron said with a grimace.

“Oh...right. Best friends with Katie.”

“Sorry, mate.”

“Yeah...” Robert groaned, remembering another reason he hated being home. 

“What’s your side of that story?” Aaron asked after a beat. 

“I hated my brother, I wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. I wanted to hurt him. It was wrong but...” He sighed, he didn’t feel proud of it but that hate sometimes still burned inside of him. “I didn’t plan to really fall for her... But I messed it up anyway. I was a dick, is what it is.”

“Think I’m happy I don’t have a brother,” Aaron said, and Robert felt grateful he wasn’t pushing for more details. 

“Do you have any siblings?”

“Half-sister, Liv,” Aaron smiled in a way Robert never seen before. It looked great on him, and he had to glance away. “I don’t see her near enough,” Aaron went on. “She and her mum are in Ireland. Gonna call her on Christmas though, she’s making me use some Facething app.” 

“Facetime.”

“Yeah,” Aaron nodded and shook his head and shrugged a bit. “Seems right stupid to me but she’s insisting.”

“Yeah, I love my little sister too,” Robert said, thinking about Vic insisting he come home for Christmas.

Aaron glanced at him and shot him another soft smile, and Robert didn’t have it in him to deny how it warmed him up from the inside out.


	4. Chapter 4

Aaron was amazed at how relaxed he felt as they got out of the car and started walking toward Keepers Cottage. Things had been tense and uncomfortable for the first hour of their drive. Aaron could feel the boundaries that they'd kept resetting around them, like some rope they couldn't shake off -- and he kept telling himself he didn't want to, even as he glanced at Robert -- unable to take his eyes off his profile, unable to not track his jawline and unhappy he could track it because Robert was clenching his jaw. 

But then they'd started talking, at first about nothing but then he was hearing about how much Robert hated Emmerdale and why and he couldn't stop his heart from cracking about it. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to try to comfort Robert. He may have said too much, the subject so close to thoughts and memories he fought hard to keep buried. But in the end, Robert had ended up smiling, and he found himself smiling back. And all the awful silence that been swirling around them had lifted. 

He was a half step behind Robert now, his mouth still twisted up, but it started to fall as he noticed Robert walking slower and slower. He noticed his shoulders started to tighten and pull inward. Then Robert stopped still in front of the door of his sister's home. He was frozen in place, and Aaron moved closer and saw the expression on his face. Pure dread. Robert looked pale, his breathing was off, and the concern Aaron felt was overwhelming. He gripped Robert's upper arms, realized as he did, Robert was shaking a bit, so he moved between Robert and the door. "Look at me?" he asked. 

"I... They’ll know," he whispered. 

"What?"

"That I'm bisex..." Robert's voice broke on the word.

"Hey, hey," Aaron's hands caressed up Robert's arms to his shoulders and squeezed them, hoping it felt reassuring. "You don't have to do this, you know if you're not ready..." 

"It's not...I've told Vic...it's not that I'm not ready," Robert let out a nervous laugh. "It is that, but not that, not really."

"What is it?"

"It's my dad..." His eyes closed as he said his whole expression shuddered darkly, and Aaron was afraid to imagine what had happened between Robert and his father. He knew from the car ride that Jack Sugden reacted badly to his son's sexuality he'd put it together, even asked and received an affirmation. But he hadn't pushed, he would never push it. But if Robert ever wanted to tell him, though he knew he would listen. 

"Hey, hey, breathe, it'll be all right, trust me." Aaron moved one his hands and ran a thumb up and now the back of Robert's neck. 

Robert slowly opened his eyes, they widened a bit as they met Aaron's gaze and Aaron kept stroking his neck as Robert's breathing started to slow. After a bit, Robert's mouth twitched into a half smile. 

"Thanks." 

Aaron shrugged never knowing how to handle things like that. 

"It's just... It was bad, his reaction and...."

"Fuck him," Aaron snapped interrupting, unable to stop the rush of protectiveness that slammed into him for Robert. 

"Aaron..." Robert's eyes widened.

"It's just no one deserves...." Aaron whispered. 

"I know...I think," Robert shook his head.

"Um...my dad doesn't know about me. I don't want him to know, his opinion is meaningless to me. And if your dad knew, if he knew and acted like it made some difference in how he loved you, he doesn't matter Robert."

Robert nodded.

"So, if any of them in there, do that, you've got me. And if your brother is an arse I'll break his nose."

Laughter erupted out of Robert's throat. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Aaron grinned.

"Andy with a busted up nose? That'd be a best Christmas present, I've ever gotten," Robert grinned. 

"Shut up," Aaron muttered, feeling overwhelmed by his actions.

Robert ran his hands up and down Aaron's waist a bit, making Aaron realize he was holding him there for the first time and it made his skin heat up. But he just stayed still and waited for Robert. What happened next was his call. After a bit, Robert shook his head. "It's bloody cold out here, yeah...so, let’s do this."

"Are you sure?" Aaron squeezed his shoulder.

"Yeah, you..." Robert trailed off, his eyes dipping down and up again, taking Aaron in. He licked his lips. "You..." He leaned forward and kissed Aaron. Aaron melted into it. The kiss was only a brush, it was sweet and thankful and not heated. It made him feel like he was floating, it made him want to deepen it, but there was a gust of warmth. 

"Rob!" Victoria Sugden's voice rang out. "You here and who is this... AARON?"

Aaron dropped his hands from Robert's body, only Robert's arm wrapped immediately around his shoulders, and he felt himself being tucked into Robert's side. His eyes closed for a second as a feeling of belonging rushed through him and flipped his insides. A small voice hissed at him to remember it was a lie. "Right, you two know each other," Robert said. 

"You, you... You," Victoria was looking at them both with big round eyes and then she started grinning. "You two?" 

"Yeah," Robert said. 

"Wow. Wow... This is amazing. Two of my favorite people..."

"Your one of her favorite people," Robert asked.

"Uh..." Aaron cringed as his history with Victoria replayed in his mind, and he looked at Victoria a bit panicked, but she just started laughing. He noticed Robert glancing between them and instantly put two and two together. He was brilliant. 

"No.." Robert shook his head.

"Maybe?" Aaron whispered. 

"Oh...ugh..." Robert's arm left Aaron's shoulders, and he looked like he wanted bleach. "I didn't need to know that, Vic, I need a drink."

"It was a long time ago, and nothing -- much -- happened" Vic laughed again as she motioned for Robert and Aaron to enter the cottage fully. 

"It really wasn't..." Aaron started.

"It's fine, right? None of my business..." Robert muttered, but the way he was looking at Aaron was odd. 

"I was trying to prove I wasn't..." Aaron mumbled, trying to explain. "You know, she was great when she found out I was gay and why I was such a shit boyfriend."

Robert blinked at that, and he grabbed Aaron by his waist again. "Yeah... She was pretty great when I told her too."

Relief flooded Aaron, he hadn't thought to worry about it, his past with Victoria somewhat forgotten, but he'd hated to cause any kind of rift between them -- even if they weren't anything, he sighed as he had to remind himself. Again. 

"Aaron..." Robert breathed his name, and Aaron was sure he was about to get kissed.

"Robert!" Diane Sugden appeared out of nowhere and was hugging Robert. Aaron just managed to get out of the way when Bernice Blackstock flew in to kiss Robert on the cheek, talking nonstop as she introduced Robert to a Dr. Liam Cavanagh. He watched a bit amused at Robert's forced smile, as he tried to look happy about all the greetings a guy he didn't know walked up to him and held out his hand. "Ellis Chapman, Vic's boyfriend?"

"Aaron Dingle... Uh, Robert's boyfriend." It felt so easy to say it.

"What?" Bernice and Diane said in unison, both looking at Aaron and then back at Robert. 

"Uh, yeah," Robert was rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm bisexual."

"I always knew it," Bernice announced dramatically. 

A sincere smile flickered on Robert's face, but he also found Aaron's gaze to roll his eyes at his stepsister. 

"And you're dating Aaron?" Diane asked, clearly still getting her mind around it. 

"Yeah."

"For how long?" 

"Five months," they said unison, their gaze locked and Aaron saw the surprise he felt mirrored in Robert's. Had it been that long? 

"Awww," Vic teased them.

Aaron felt upended. Five months. That was a long time, and they both promised to stick to the truth as much as possible. It had sprung right to mind, the flashes of the first time he saw Robert. That first meeting in the elevator as they went up to their floor. How they'd caught each other, checking the other out and how they'd started talking and found themselves in a natural conversation. He almost immediately asked him if he wanted to get a pint with him and Adam. It all fell into place. It wasn't even a full week before the two of them sleeping together, saying it'd be a one off...

Not that it had been, but they'd been both clear. Neither of them wanted to date. They both had their reasons. Robert's was his ambition to get a promotion. Aaron's was his age and wanting no attachments. 

But how could he remember it all so clearly? Not just their first meeting, but their first kiss, their first time. And everything else that followed it? Aaron felt stunned, and he blinked a few times and saw Robert was across the room with a drink in his hand. So, Aaron walked across the room and took it and drank down a generous gulp. He heard Robert chuckle at that and their eyes met for a second, but it was just long enough to calm Aaron's rushing heart. Robert went about making himself another drink, and then he wrapped his arm around Aaron's waist once again, pulling him into his side. Aaron swayed right into it and glanced at Robert. Realizing he was helping Robert stay grounded as he answered a string of questions from Bernice and Diane. The two women, curious about his sexuality and his relationship with Aaron. Both of them blushed at a few of the questions, Bernice threw out, and Diane scolded her for embarrassing them. Then it was Vic 's turn to put up with being chastised for not telling. 

Robert pulled Aaron away from the conversation, nudged him, with a blush on his cheek that just made his freckles stand out. Aaron fought the urge to touch his cheek and just smiled at him. Robert leaned in and brushed his lips against Aaron's ear as he whispered a thank you that Aaron was surprised he could hear over his heart. Aaron shrugged, but he also found himself taking Robert's hand in his own and squeezing it, wondering just what it was he was trying to convey.

~~~

"You're smitten, a smitten kitten," Vic laughed, nudging Robert with her hip as she passed him to get to her sink. 

"What?" 

"You and Aaron. All heart eyes, hand-holding, and cute little smiles. Never seen you so taken by someone."

"What?" Robert shook his head. "No..." 

"Yes. Come on, don't get all manly or whatever, this is me, Rob. I know you have a heart under all that smug-sarcastic condescension." 

"It's...new, all right," he mumbled, looking away from her.

"Been nearly half a year..."

And she was right, of course, she was... He just hadn't realized, and he was pretty sure from the expression on his face Aaron hadn't either. Even though they'd both said it with the same kind of authority, they'd say their own name. "Well, yeah but..." He hedged and was happy he had wine pour. "Bernice really doesn't need another glass of wine."

"Oh, she has Liam to get into her bed..." Victoria frowned. "Forget I brought up that visual."

Robert laughed. "They seem suited, though, huh?"

"Yeah... And, I think you and Aaron are even better matched."

He couldn't look at her, and he wished she would she stop? He wasn't with him, he wasn't really with Aaron. It grated on his nerves every time he had to remind himself of the truth. That they were lying, because, because... Robert couldn't remember why? He sighed. He didn't want these thoughts in his head that he was having about Aaron that he'd been pushing to the side for days now. He didn't want his life to change, he was fine with his life how it was -- he didn't need a relationship. His focus was supposed to be work and the promotion he wanted, that he was working his ass off for. Aaron was supposed to be fun, he was meant to be a tension relief, not a boyfriend. Robert wasn't looking for a relationship this was supposed to be nothing but fun. Fun. "He's fun..." He muttered out loud.

"And handsome and kind," Victoria added. "He's so kind, Rob."

 _Kind._ It made Robert shiver and immediately felt the ghost-touch of Aaron's thumb stroking at the nape of his neck as he stared right into Robert with those blue eyes of his with so much warmth. He was holding Robert up then, kept him standing, and kept him here, in Emmerdale. Aaron had looked at him like he was worth protecting and he'd nearly spilled everything to Aaron, right there on the doorstep. Nearly told him everything about the day his father found him with another bloke. Nearly revealed why it was so hard to look at Andy and how much not having his mum cut into him every single day. 

The truth was before today, he'd never spoken one word about what happened between him and his father. Yet he let it out in the car and nearly told Aaron everything on his sister's doorstep. 

Why Aaron? Why couldn't he get enough of his kissing him? Just kissing him? He remembered how they'd snogged like teenagers in that truck as his car charged in the parking lot, while it snowed around them. It had felt like they were the only people in the world. They just kissed and he drove himself wild with lust, on purpose, because he didn't want to rush to sate it, not with Aaron, there was no reason to rush... 

No. Robert inwardly sighed. No, he couldn't do this... It was nothing, it wasn't anything past fun. It was the arrangement and Aaron was fine with that arrangement. This was a lie. 

"I mean, I know it's serious but is it really serious?" Victoria's voice cut into his thoughts. 

"What?"

"You're really serious about him, right?"

"What do you mean?" he felt flushed, she couldn't see it could she? How under his skin he was? Because Aaron couldn't be, he just couldn't be. "It's not..." 

"You came out Rob...beause you wanted to bring him home."

"That's not... I..." He sputtered because her words were a smack to his face. They weren't true, though, that wasn't why, was it? It was just time, wasn't it? To finally tell everyone who needed knowing... It wasn't because of Aaron, was it?

"It's okay, I'm proud of ya, Mum and Dad would be too..."

He felt cold the second he heard the word dad come out of her mouth. He tensed and felt the word _don't_ about to snap out of his mouth when the front door opened, and Katie and Andy arrived with a gust of cold air. The fear he felt before rushed back to him, but on its heels was Aaron's hold, his thumb stroking his neck and his promise to punch Andy. He sighed and wished he hadn't already headed over to the Woolpack, his fingers itched to touch him and have him near. Like he could get through this better with Aaron here...

But both Andy and Katie looked into the kitchen and saw him and Victoria. Andy stepped forward and went in for a hug. It shocked him, but Robert let him, but he couldn't relax into it at all and just stiffly patted Andy on the back once before getting himself out of his brother's hold. 

"What Katie, no hug?" he goaded her as he saw her glaring at him.

"Really wouldn't want to catch anything," she snapped. 

"I'm really the one who should worry there..."

"Oi." Andy looked at Robert. "Can't you just try to get along." 

"Why are you only looking at me?"

"He doesn' know how to get along with anyone. So, where is the poor woman you've conned into thinking you care about her?"

"He went to the Woolpack to see his mum," Robert cracked back. All the wrong reasons he told himself he'd chosen Aaron for this flying back to him. How he wanted to goad her, how he wanted to rub this in Andy's face and see if it bothered him. All the wrong reasons he hadn't really let himself think out loud -- because they weren't the full truth and Victoria's words about him deciding that now was a good time to come out rang in his head. 

"What?" Katie gaped.

"He misspoke," Andy laughed. "She has family here."

"No, I didn't. My boyfriend is Aaron Dingle." It rolled right off his tongue like it was meant to be there. "He went to see Chas."

Katie and Andy laughed. 

"It's true, guys, he and Aaron are together. Rob's..." She glanced at him, and he nodded. "Bisexual."

"No, you're not," Katie laughed louder. "Come on, he just wants to cause a scene, create the most drama and trouble. What are you doing paying Aaron to go along with it? Or does he even know you're using him like this?"

"No, Katie, they're together," Vic said. "Mighty cute too."

"It's a game, Vic. I know him," Katie glared.

"You're bisexual?" Andy asked that word awkward and strange in his mouth. Robert wondered if his brother had ever even thought it before let own said it. 

"Yeah," Robert nodded.

"Since when?"

"Since always," Robert said. 

"Right all those guys who hearts you broke?" Katie sniped.

He needed Katie to shut up. His heart was pounding as he forced himself to look, Andy. He was afraid to look, but he was more afraid to look away. This was it, this was the person whose reaction terrified him the most. What if he reacted like Jack. He felt like a fifteen-year-old boy again, petrified as he looked at his father. A man who was meant to always love him look at him like he was a stranger. Look at him like he was someone not worth knowing. 

But the look in Andy's eyes was different, he'd never seen it before, and it was making him sweat. "Andy?" he whispered because it mattered. It mattered too much, way too much and he was afraid he was about to regret all of this. He needed Andy to get this, to not hate him for it, he needed it. Suddenly the visual of Aaron punching him in the nose wasn't comforting and hilarious any longer. 

"Does Aaron make you happy?" Andy asked after a beat.

"Andy, you aren't buying this," Katie asked. 

"Katie, shut up... Is that why you brought him home, and are telling us?"

"Happy?" Robert echoed and thought about how it felt when he woke up to blue eyes, thought about sleepy and easy kisses that made him feel whole... But he and Aaron were a lie but... "Aaron's...unexpected," he whispered.

"Smitten, he's totally smitten," Vic said and slapped Robert's arm. "You'll see." 

"I'm happy for you then, Rob, really," Andy said. 

"Yeah?" He couldn't believe it.

"Yeah..." Andy nodded, and he pulled Robert into another hug. This one tighter and more real rather than keeping up appearances. And Robert breathed for the first time since Andy walked in. He breathed and allowed himself to relax into the hug and hug his brother back. 

"When is Aaron coming?" Andy asked. 

"Soon, I hope," Robert said without hesitation.

~~~

"Mum, can't breathe."

Chas squeezed him harder before letting go and making a little hop. "My baby," she rubbed the top of his head. 

"Ma..." 

"I'm excited to see ya. Where have you been?"

"Uh, Vic's..." Aaron started. 

"Vic's? Why would you be at....oh..." Chas was suddenly waving at someone, and Aaron followed her and saw some tall, gawky looking man waving shyly back at her. He tensed up. He was the doctor. 

"You plan this?" he hissed.

"I didn't. I didn't know when you were going to get here, love... Just meet him at least?"

"Mum..." He sighed and remembered why he'd thought it was a good idea for him and Robert to pretend they were in a real relationship. His mother was unstoppable when she got something in her head. He needed a high-grade weapon to defuse her. Robert Sugden was his weapon. 

_He’s more than that._

Instantly he wanted to be back at Victoria's. He should have stayed, he thought, but everything had gotten overwhelming. Everyone talking and asking them questions about how they got together. Hearing himself and Robert quickly answer them as if every word they said was true. And he'd wanted them to be, and he suddenly couldn't breathe because of it. He had to remember it was a lie, but do it he felt like he needed to step away from Robert. Because his touch, his eyes, his laugh, and his freckles were messing with Aaron's heart as well as his mind. So he said he wanted to go say hi to his mum and Robert asked him to stay until Andy and Katie showed up. But he couldn't do it and made an excuse, said he'd try to get back as fast as could -- maybe he'd beat them there. 

And now he felt guilty. He felt guilty because he knew telling Andy was scary for Robert. And he felt guilty because another man was walking toward him -- the man he asked Robert to help him get out of meeting. But now here he was stuck and watching a tall brunette walk up to him. 

The man was looking him up and down, and Aaron realized he liked what he, which just made it worse. Because all he saw as someone who wasn't as broad in the chest or thighs as Robert. All he saw was unblemished skin and not a freckle in sight. And he just didn't measure up to the man he'd left alone to face a possible unfriendly situation. His mum shouldn't have been getting this guy's hopes up, he thought, and he looked toward the door to the Woolpack and wished for Robert to walk through it. 

He didn't of course. 

"Hiya, Alex. Alex this light of my life, my son Aaron."

His mum needed to shut up, he thought, and he couldn't stop his eyes from rolling, but he offered Alex a polite smile. 

"Aaron, this is Dr. Alex Mason."

"Nice to meet you," Alex held out his hand.

Aaron shook it and looked toward the door again. "Hi..." He muttered, still no Robert.

"Pints?" Chas asked, hopefully.

"Mum..." Aaron sighed, and he cocked his head toward the back room of the pup.

"Just a drink?" Chas said, ignoring him. 

"Mum..." Aaron snapped and this time he just walked behind the bar and toward the backroom.

"Charity, get Alex a pint will ya," Chas said to her cousin. Aaron felt her on his heels as they walked into the Woolpack.

"Mum..."

"He's a nice guy, Aaron. The kind of guy you deserve and if you would just give him a chance..."

"I have a boyfriend," Aaron spat out, desperate to put the information out there, desperate to explain why he couldn't meet this Alex or drink a pint with him. He felt an itch to go find Robert and the minute he called him his boyfriend he felt an ache in his chest at the fact it was a lie. 

"What?"

"What I've been trying to tell ya, I have a boyfriend..." It sounded so right, but it wasn't...but he had to press on with it. "And I was at Vic's cause it's, uh... Robert Sugden."

"What was that?"

"I'm seeing Robert." 

"Robert Sugden. Robert Sugden.... ROBERT SUGDEN."

He winced at the shrillness of her shriek. "Yes."

"That two-timing lying snake."

"That was a long time ago..."

"Oh, I suppose he gave you some sob story about how he wasn't some creep?"

"No," Aaron spat out their conversation in the car clear as a bell. "He actually he told me he was an arse, Mum...." 

"No, no, love, he's all wrong for you."

"How's that."

"He only cares about himself."

Aaron shook his head, and it wasn't a lie. Maybe them being together was, but it was a lie that Robert was only out for himself. He'd seen it in the car. The last place Robert wanted to be was Emmerdale. It was too painful for him, he hated the place, and he seemed to have a good reason for it. But he was here, and he was going to stay here for a week all for Victoria. He loved his sister, he loved his brother too, Aaron seen it in the fear in his eyes. "That’s not true."

"You two would have nothing in common... Katie says he's an ambitious social climber who just cares about money."

"Katie's a biased cow."

"That is my best friend, Aaron."

"And Robert's my boyfriend," he fired back.

"I don't care, I don't care... You are going out there and having a pint with Alex."

"No, I'm not."

"I promised that young man a chance, you will speak with him and see he's far better than flipping Robert Sugden."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "I'm supposed to head back over, he wants me there when Andy and Katie get there."

"I don't care, if he really cares about you, he'll trust you, won't he..."

Aaron saw the challenge in her eyes, and the doctor was already out in the bar. He felt stuck, and he hated it. He hated it because he didn't want to meet some other man -- not when Robert was waiting for him. And he shouldn't feel that way because they weren't together. He shouldn't feel guilty. He sighed inwardly and reminded himself that he and Robert weren't actually together. No matter what his heart kept hoping for... It was a crazy idea anyway, just as crazy as him being with a doctor. But maybe he could get it over with fast, just make his mum happy, tell the doctor he had a boyfriend -- It was the whole point of being here with Robert. 

"Fine, but I'm telling him point blank I'm off the market..." _It’s not a lie._ He wasn't with Robert, but the reason he wasn't was because he wasn't looking for anything serious. He wasn't ready for it, he didn't need a boyfriend. He wanted to have a fun single life and not worry about strings. He wanted to be single.

He did. 

He wanted to just have fun. _Like you do every time single time you're with Robert_

"Go then and please keep an open mind," Chas said, bringing his focus back on the doctor. Alan? No Alex.

He scoffed at the idea of an open mind and walked back toward the bar. Though he heard her muttering Robert's name in disgust as he walked away and almost turned back to tell her off. She didn't know him at all. But then he saw Alex at a table with two pints, Alex saw him and gave him an awkward smile, and Aaron wondered if the guy was perpetually awkward? It looked tense. He felt tense. He felt frustrated because bringing Robert was supposed to get him out of this, but here he was because his mother ambushed him. She'd probably had Alex on speed dial or something and called the minute she saw him. He slid into the chair across from Alex, picked up the pint meant for him and drank down half of it down in one large gulp.

"Hi,' Alex offered.

"Look, my mum's well-intentioned and all but I'm here with my boyfriend."

Disappointment flickered across Alex's features, and Aaron sighed because he couldn't help feeling bad. But it was his mum's fault and not his. 

"She really shouldn't have told you there was a shot..."

"I see. She seemed sure you were single, said I might have to work the charm..."

"Yeah, she was wrong," Aaron said, cutting him off. 

"So, did you just meet him, your boyfriend?"

"What no, it's been nearly a year..." Aaron threw it out there, like it was nothing again, like he and Robert truly been together for the last five months. 

"Wow, that is pretty serious," Alex said 

"Yeah..." _Serious_ The word felt heavy in his head. He thought about the car ride here and how they'd both shared just a bit too much of something very private to each other -- and how it'd eased the tension between them that been put there by the reminder they were lying. Adam's voice from this morning was echoing in his head as he went on and on about when was the last time Aaron either slept alone or with someone besides Robert. He'd accused them of not being casual at all. 

It hit him how often he looked forward to seeing Robert. How he sought him out. How he waited for one of Robert's inane texts. How he made excuses to see him and thought about him more than he should... Thought about him more and more often in ways he wasn't allowed to think about him at all. It had gotten worse this past week, once they made the deal to be fake boyfriends, but none of it was new, none of it was new at all. 

He really liked Robert.

A lot. 

Too much.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

"I love him," Aaron blurted out to both himself and Alex. And it was true. He loved him, and he had loved him. It was probably around the time he started counting his freckles when he started watching him sleep when he decided waking up to crappy Christmas music was worth it in the long run because Robert's arms held him so tight. 

Like he didn't want to let go.

"Oh, that's nice..." Alex said, flatly.

Aaron couldn't hear him though, not over the fear and panic pounding in his ears. Because it wasn't nice, it wasn't nice at all. Robert didn't feel anything for him. Robert just that morning made it clear in his formal business tone that after Christmas they went back to normal. They reverted to the prior deal of no strings attached and casual sex that meant nothing at the end of the day. 

They weren't real to Robert, and Aaron couldn't lie to himself anymore. He couldn't breathe, he muttered something he hoped sounded like an excuse and hurried out the back door of the pub. The winter air was sharp and cold. He could smell snow on it, but it didn't give him any peace. All it did was remind him of snogging Robert in the truck like they were damn teenagers and his heart broke a bit. Because that hadn't meant half of what it meant to him to Robert. 

"You had to go and fall in love," he cried and wiped at his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Robert sat down on the stairs, his family chattering away in Vic’s living room. Bernice too loudly and her voice was going right through his skull. But she wasn’t why he was sneaking off to gather his breath. She wasn’t one of the things doing his head in -- causing his brain to run too fast and make it feel like he might stop breathing if he didn’t calm the thoughts down. If he didn’t figure some things out. 

First there was Andy and the fact there wasn’t a problem with Andy. He told him, told his brother the words he’d always been afraid to think, let alone say out loud. He said it, he told Andy he was bisexual. And the world didn’t end, the ground didn’t shake, and a punch didn’t land on his jaw. Sure there had been some denial and some laughter. But it fell away, and Andy listened. Listened to him and that felt monumental to Robert. But the thing was, he’d always had a little bit of hope. This voice in the back of mind, that sounded like his mum, that reminded him he loved his brother. Even when he hated him, he loved him. Even when he hurt Andy, he wanted his attention. Maybe they were messed up, life had messed them both up. And maybe they’d never be close, not like they were when they were kids. But they were always those kids, always brothers. So the thing was a piece of him wasn’t surprised, because there was always that little bit of hope in his head his brother might not hate him -- even after all with all the things they’ve done to hurt the other. All the things they’d done t try to kill it, the love lived. But the hope been small and his fear been huge, and it was weird to acknowledge it to himself and to Andy. It was weird to admit he loved him. 

And that wrapped right into the other thing doing his head in. 

Aaron. 

Because he wanted to focus on Andy. He kept thinking he should in there and building on the small cease-fire. Work on this possible new start and try to make sure it lasted. That this time it worked out. Because this time was different, there were no lies, there was nothing hidden. Robert thought he could even put up with stinkeye from Katie. He’d even admit she was trying to behave with him -- even it was just for the family’s sake. But the problem was he couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron. About him and Aaron. And how he kept shouting at himself, there wasn’t a him and Aaron. 

But his sister’s words wouldn’t get out of his head. Because she wasn’t quite right, but she wasn’t wrong either. She wasn’t wrong at all. He brought Aaron home to his family. He chose to bring Aaron home with him and barely gave what it would mean any thought until he was outside the door. 

He came out. Because he chose to bring Aaron home with him. 

He could have found a girlfriend, he could have cajoled one of them. There was Bex, she was always an easy target and a few others, some who loved to do nothing but stir up trouble. But he hadn’t wanted them. He hadn’t given any of them more than a passing thought. Because instead, his mind kept thinking, if he was going to bring someone home. It would be Aaron. He hadn’t dwelled on the why of it, he hadn’t allowed himself to. He came up with lies. He was so good at lies. Told himself it was easier if it wasn’t someone he was serious with. Told himself they were friends, of a sort, so they wouldn’t annoy each other being close quarters during holiday cheer. It was all lies. It wasn’t why he had chosen Aaron at all. The truth was every time he thought about maybe introducing someone to his little sister, Aaron Dingle was the first name that came to mind. Which was crazy, they already knew each other -- more than he had realized -- but he was never dwelling on that. It was all just an excuse.

Because the truth was he wasn’t all that bothered about being the odd one out with his family. That was status quo, he could have handled being the only single Sugden at the family do. He could have dealt with Katie and her sniping and put off Bernice and her pity by just handing her a glass of wine. Just like he’d done tonight to get her to stop asking about his sex life. He’d always been the odd one out. He’d always would be, really. That had been his entire life as a Sugden. He never really fit into his father’s world, and he’d accepted that a long time ago. 

He hadn’t needed to bring Aaron here at all, and it was an unsettling thought. He’d just used it as an excuse to be with him. To keep him close. Like he needed one? Had he needed one? They weren’t meant to be anything at all. That was the deal, and it was probably what Aaron wanted. Aaron had been the first one of them to remind them it was an arrangement after all. Robert felt like he’d broken a promise when he called him to his car the day before they left. He’d wanted to see him, he’d needed to see him in a way -- he hadn’t felt right the entire day until he saw Aaron driving up in that truck. He liked waking with Aaron in his arms, he liked the solid weight of him, and he loved staring into those blue eyes and the face he made just before Robert kissed him. 

He made up excuses to see him. He came up with reasons to text him. Stupid things all the time, but Aaron never complained. He never turned him away if he showed up on his door. Even if he had a lot of paperwork to get through -- and he was supposed to be tension release, not someone he needed. And he needed him, even right now when he was head was done in thinking about him, Robert knew if he was here... The blood buzzing in his ears would ebb away. 

His phone chirped and opened it quickly, hoping it was Aaron asking for rescue from Chas. But it was a text from Victoria, and he frowned disappointed, but since she was only a room away curiosity got to him, and he opened it. 

 

_Smitten Kittens_ was the caption to a picture from her cellphone. He opened it up, and his and Aaron faces filled his screen. It was the two of them standing in the corner of the room turned toward each other, heads bent together, with their gazes locked. And they were grinning. They were grinning in that wide your face will feel it tomorrow way of two people having the time of their lives. He was sure he’d never seen himself look like that he did in a photo. He never seen his eyes shine like that when he looked at a person. He never grinned that wide or near as often as he did with Aaron. He understood that suddenly with deep clarity. It was a thing he kept shoving away before he really thought about it -- too often. And he couldn’t do it anymore. Not when he looked at Aaron in the photograph. Aaron was glowing, his eyes were shining right back at Robert’s, they were matched, eye to eye, smile to smile. And Robert loved it when Aaron smiled, really smiled at him, the one that reached his eyes and this was it. 

He loved it. 

Loved.

He loved.... 

He stood up, grabbed his leather jacket, and raced out of Keeper’s Cottage, heading straight for the Woolpack. He opened the door and cast his eyes around, zoning in on the bar first. Chas was behind it pulling a pint for someone, so he scanned the crowd nearby, thinking Aaron wouldn’t be too far out his mother’s sight. But when he spotted him, it felt like cold water was poured down his neck because Aaron wasn’t alone. 

He was at the table with some fit bloke, who was staring at Aaron with obvious interest. The both of them held pints, and Aaron’s was clearly half full, which meant they’d been together nearly as long as Aaron been gone. The jealousy that spiked through Robert was hot and furious. And embarrassing. He felt uncomfortably flushed, and his hands curled into fists. 

It was the doctor, probably the one Aaron said he didn’t want to meet. Robert tried to make excuses for it. Maybe Chas forced it, but Aaron clearly been at the table a long time. They were obviously getting along, and Robert felt his heart break. 

He was alone in it, wasn’t he? He’d fooled himself looking at that picture of them. Aaron was the first one to point out they were just an arrangement. Robert was just sex to him, there were no feelings to it. Aaron had just wanted a favor, and now he’d met the guy, he was clearly reconsidering it. And why shouldn’t he? Robert had just been going on and on about it being a casual arrangement, and how they’d back to normal right after Christmas. He didn’t owe Robert anything because they were just casual... 

Didn’t stop him from feeling jealous in a way he’d never felt before. He wanted to punch the guy in his square jaw and tell him to back off. He wanted to go over there and sit down and stake his claim -- he took a step but stopped. If Aaron wanted the doctor, who was he to stop it? His chest hurt, physically hurt, and he thought, it’s real isn’t it when your heart breaks, you feel it cracking. 

Why had he kept pushing Aaron to arm’s length? He never felt such bitter disappointment in his life. He never ached liked this and wanted to destroy stuff and shout that it wasn’t fair. He wanted to go over there and remind Aaron he existed, it pulsed in his veins, but he should just leave. He should let Aaron find him to tell him the deal is off... He should leave, he should leave and somehow he was about to do just that and turn around when Aaron flew from the table like he’d been burned. 

Robert flinched at the suddenness of Aarons’ flight. Watched him hightail it to the back of the pub ad out of sight. Saw the tight clench of Aaron’s jaw and the look of horror in Aaron’s eyes. All his jealously vanished in that second and was replaced with concern. It spurred him forward, his mind thinking nothing but protect Aaron at all costs and within seconds he was towering over the table and leaning into the doctor’s space. “What the hell did you do? What did you say to him?”

“Uh, nothing...” The man stammered.

“Nothing? Really, he looked plenty upset to me... You weren’t daft and said you didn’t say you weren’t interested, did you? What kind of idiot would you have to be to do that?” Robert half wondered if he was talking to himself or the man in front of him. “You must be mad to do that, Aaron’s... Aaron’s everything.”

“Uh... Are you Robert?” the doctor said.

Robert blinked and nodded.

“Maybe you should go after him,” the guy said. 

That was a bloody brilliant idea, Robert thought, but he couldn’t stop himself and glared at the doctor. “If you did do anything to hurt Aaron, I will make you pay,” he threatened before he turned and followed the same path he’d seen Aaron run. At first, he didn’t see him, but then he heard a muffled sound and started striding toward it. He found Aaron sitting on the edge of one of the small stone ledges behind the Woolpack. His head was bent down, he had his hands on his knees. He was crying, and Robert felt his throat constrict at the sound. 

He rushed over to Aaron, moved in front of him, squatted down as his hands touched Aaron’s face, wanting to wipe away the tears with his palms. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” 

Aaron’s hands reached up and grabbed him by his wrists. He thought Aaron was going to push him away, but he stayed still. Let Robert touch his face, and he slowly looked up and right at him. Robert felt better the second he saw the blue of his eyes, but they were glistening with tears, and that broke him a little. “What’s wrong,” he repeated. 

Aaron laughed then, it was shaky and nervous and awkward. It wasn’t about anything funny, yet the sound of it made Robert smile because it was better than tears. 

“What happened, Aaron, please?” he prompted him again.

Aaron pushed Robert away a bit but kept hold of his right wrist and tugged him to get him to sit next to him... As he sat down, he watched Aaron wipe his face with the back of his right hand. 

“What did he say?” Robert asked, wanting to help, wanting to understand. Needing to know if his chance was over. “Do you like him?” 

This made Aaron turn to him, his expression confused and blank.

“That doctor bloke? I saw you with him,” Robert asked. “That was who you were with right?”

“Oh,” Aaron laughed again. “I forgot about him.”

“I’m confused, I thought he upset you.”

Aaron shrugged and shook his head. “It was nothing, really, don’t worry about it.” 

“You’ve been crying...” Robert said and touched Aaron’s cheek again. 

Aaron leaned into his touch but then leaned away. “Robert, don’t...”

_He doesn’t want you._ Robert felt the disappointment to his bones. He figured things out too late, he was too stuck in his own head and in his own way. He pushed Aaron away too often and messed everything up. All because he was afraid to admit to what he was feeling. He stared at Aaron’s profile and swallowed a sigh because he was beautiful. He was beautiful, and he still looked sad. He’d been crying, and he’d run out of the pub. Maybe he should let it go, maybe it wasn’t his place, but he knew something now. He knew he was gone for Aaron and he couldn’t let it go. 

“You sure that guy didn’t upset you?”

“Nah, he’s fine,” Aaron said and made sure to catch Robert’s gaze. “He didn’t upset me, really, it wasn’t him...” Aaron sighed. “I just... Can we drop it, please? I got anxious, it happens sometimes...” He reached out and touched Robert’s hand. “I’m good.” 

He didn’t buy it, but Robert nodded. “Just want you to be okay.’

“I am... and sorry about being with him...Mum just wouldn’t let it go. She wasn’t at all thrilled about you.”

“Wouldn’t expect her to be... She’s gonna get an earful from Katie. She thinks I’m saying I’m bisexual to play a game.”

“Nah, think I’d notice if you were faking it,” Aaron teased.

“Like I’d need to with you.” Robert smiled and leaned closer to Aaron, feeling that pull again. Feeling that craving to be near and to taste him and he felt Aaron swaying toward him. He bent down to kiss him, but Aaron ducked his head down. 

Robert blinked. “Aaron?”

“Robert....” Aaron’s voice was soft, softer than Robert ever heard it, and he trailed off. 

“Hey...” He grabbed Aaron’s hand, his worry from earlier rushing. “Hey, you helped me earlier, remember. At the house, about Andy and everything. That meant... That meant so much Aaron. Talk to me, please, if I can help you?”

Aaron started to look up, but he stopped, paused at their hands and he shifted the hold so their fingers so they threaded together and tightened his grip. Robert matched it with a squeezed, and tried to be patient, decided to wait for Aaron to speak. 

Slowly, Aaron lifted his eyes back up and met Robert’s stare. Robert felt his breath hitch, and Aaron licked his lips, nodded to himself and finally spoke. “What are we doing?” he asked. 

“Do you mean us?” Robert whispered it, afraid to ask it, afraid he was reading this wrong, even as he felt Aaron grip his hand. 

“Is there an us?” Aaron asked.

Robert nodded and tried to speak, but the words were stuck in his throat. His fear about how deeply he was falling was rising up. Aaron looked half, ready to cry and half ready to run. What he if he fouled this up, what if he wasn’t good enough for Aaron? 

Robert tightened his grip on Aaron’s hand, needing to feel the palms pressed together, needing to feel the tangle of their fingers. It was grounding, it quieted the buzz in his ears from the intensity of everything. Aaron was up-ending his life, but he was also the one keeping him sane. “I think there being an us is....something inevitable.”

Aaron let out a long slow breath, and all the tension in his body seemed to melt away, but his handhold stayed strong. He nodded his head and searched out Robert’s gaze. “Yeah?”

Robert nodded. 

“I just thought...” Aaron shook his head. “You said we should go back to our usual routine.”

“I was lying, Aaron, trying to cause a distance? I tell you things I don’t tell anyone else, I’ve told you things I haven’t told myself... I want this, us, I’m not reading this wrong am I?”

“No, no, not wrong... Robert. I miss ya, I miss ya when you’re not around, and I like sleeping with ya, I mean actually sleeping -- I’ve never stayed in a bloke’s bed before, never wanted to, but with you, I don’t want to leave it.

“I hate you leaving it...” Robert smiled. 

“I kept pushing you away, kept making you pull away, I’m sorry... But it’s, gotten impossible to push you away...” 

“Then don’t,” Robert said softly.

“Be my boyfriend? For real, no deal, no games, and a lot of attached strings?” Aaron blurted out all in one breathe. Robert almost didn’t believe it, wasn’t at all sure he heard it right until he saw fear creep into Aaron’s eyes because he wasn’t answering him. That spurred him forward, and he yanked Aaron by their joined hands and pressed his mouth against his to answer the question.

Robert felt a soft scrape of stubble and melted into it. He loved it, he couldn’t get enough of Aaron. He leaned into him and ended up chasing Aaron’s mouth because he leaned back and broke the kiss. But he caught Robert’s gaze, and Robert nodded. He nodded yes to all of Aaron’s questions, and they smiled and kissed, softly and sweetly, until it slowly became more heated and Robert couldn’t stand it any longer.

“We need a bed,” he muttered, and he yanked Aaron to his feet and started striding toward the cottage. Aaron laughed behind him and allowed himself tob be pulled for a few seconds before yanked Robert, spun him around to kiss him again... Aaron grabbed at his collar and pulled him in closer, pushed him against a nearby wall and Robert understood the kiss was saying all things Aaron hadn’t yet, couldn’t yet and he shook in his arms until Aaron broke the kiss and muttered about getting to a bed. 

They got the cottage and rushed inside and hurried up the stairs before anyone caught on they were back. Robert locked the door to the spare room, tugged Aaron into his space by the strings of his hoodie. “How do you make hoodies sexy?”

Aaron caught his arms by the elbows and teases, “How do you make elbow patches sexy?”

“It’s a classic design.”

“So’s a hoodie, mate.”

“Not your mate, not anymore, I’m your boyfriend...” It scared him but wasn’t taking it back, he wasn’t turning away. Robert was never pushing Aaron away again, he couldn’t he was under his skin. He had been since their first kiss, and there was no more denying it.

“You’re mine,” Aaron said and pulled Robert over him. “Mine.”

 

~~~

Aaron woke up with a jolt, his heart pounding and panic creeping under his skin. He froze in place and tried to soften his breathing. Robert was curled next him, an arm slung over Aaron’s chest, his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck. He bit his lip and moved slightly, just enough to shift them so he could look at Robert’s face while attempting to hold his breath because he didn’t want to wake Robert out. He wanted to enjoy this while he could before it was taken away, his heart was hammering in his chest, and he could feel the beat of it in his ears. He let out sharp exhale and inhale and started to count Robert’s freckles in an attempt to calm himself.

The room was filled with the gray light of early morning, giving him enough light to stare at the man next to him, the man holding him really and that he was holding Robert too. His arms were around Robert, and he knew — he could admit now — he didn’t want to be anywhere else. But could it last? Was it even real? Had he really spent the night, whispering _mine_ into Robert’s pale skin and against the rim of his ears? Had felt Robert shiver and shake with each utterance like it shook him to his core — like he wanted Aaron to say it?

The longer he stared at Robert, the longer he traced freckles with his eyes, the calmer his breath got, and the beat of his heart slowed, but the panic that was screaming inside of him wasn’t ebbing. This wasn’t the first time he watched Robert sleep. It was far from the first time he’d studied the angle of his cheeks or the curve of his nose, or the jut of his jawbone. In the past, Aaron had told himself to stop every time he did it, tried to tell himself it was creepy, and what was he thinking? He’d never felt the need to just look at a man he was with before. He never felt the urge to stay close with them in a bed and only sleep. 

Until Robert. 

Until he fell in love. 

And it happened so quickly, he thought, faster than he even knew. His heart knew, his soul knew far before his brain caught up to it, and last night, Robert seemed to feel the same. Robert called himself his boyfriend. Robert told him he wanted to be with him for real and made love to him — it’d been like their first time together, only more intimate and with more laughter. It was knowing each other and getting to know each other deeper. 

Aaron was sure he’d never made love before, and it was terrifying. He swallowed and wondered if he’d dreamt it. Had he dreamt Robert arriving only moments after Aaron realized the depth of his feelings and admitting he felt the same? Was this real? He felt himself tighten his arms, where they were around Robert and felt his breath hitch because while he stayed asleep, Robert mirrored the motion and made a snuffled that blew air against Aaron’s skin that made him shiver. 

It felt like Robert was his… but why? The self-doubt was screaming in his head, and he couldn’t get it to stop. He wasn’t really with Robert, was he? Why would Robert want him? He felt his heartbeat go rapid again and bit his lower bit, tried to keep his breathe calm, but it wasn’t working. When Robert woke up, would he take everything back? Would his voice call into his stiffer formal tone as he talked about their deal and arrangement? Would this be another morning where he woke up in Robert’s arms but ended up feeling empty by the time he got out of the bed? 

It was too much, he needed to know, and suddenly he was shaking Robert awake. “Robert, Rob, Rob...Robert?”

Robert’s eyes fluttered open unfocused and truly green in the light. Aaron felt calmer almost instantly and more so when Robert’s sleep deep voice rumbled in the space between them. “What time is it?”

“Do you want me?” Aaron asked and immediately wished he could take it not wanting to seem insecure or desperate, but the panic was winning out.

Robert’s arms tightened around him, and he smiled cheekily. “Of course I want you,” he said and went to kiss him. 

“No…’ Aaron dodged the kiss. “Do you really want me, I mean us?” 

Robert’s brow furrowed, and he looked confused. “Do you want me?” 

“Yes, yes,” Aaron blurted out because that wasn’t in question. “Of course it’s just…”

“Just what?” Robert asked his hand running down Aaron’s back. 

“I’m just a mechanic.”

Robert shook his head, confused. “You aren’t just anything.”

“You, you have your important job, with all those meetings and that big promotion you’re always going on about…”

“Boring you with you, ya mean?” Robert tried to joke. 

“I’m not important, you’re…”

“Aaron, no… “Robert shifted and pulled Aaron closer.

“I got nothing to offer ya,” Aaron whispered. 

“Stop,” Robert nearly shouted. “Just stop.”

“I’m nothing… I’m a mess.”

“Aaron no… no, you’re not. You’re… Everything. And I’m a mess too, I am, me too.” Robert pushed his hand into Aaron’s hair and soothed it down again and again. “Aaron, I want you, I want you. I told you last night that I want us and I meant it... I was making up any excuse I could find to be near you... I feel like myself with you and never thought I could do with anyone, ever. I can be me with ya, and that is a mess, I can be a dick, and I am a workaholic, I wanna be rich, I want to be secure and comfortable… and I feel like no one gets me. But you seem to, and you surprise me every day, Aaron. You’re amazing. Aaron Dingle. You’re always unexpected and amazing.”

Aaron looked away as Robert spoke, unable to take how Robert was looking at him. Like he mattered like he was amazing. The look in Robert’s eyes and in his smile matched all the words he was saying — words wanted to hear. But they sounded real, they sounded solid and believable, and it was overwhelming to take in. It was crazy in all the best ways, and it was far too much — even as it slowly made his panic start to recede — it was far too much. So, Aaron buried his face in Robert’s shoulder, which felt cold against his blushing cheeks. 

“Too over the top?” Robert laughed, his hands soothing down Aaron’s back

“A bit...” Aaron mumbled, and he laughed too because he believed it. “Don’t mind it…much,” he gave a shrug that meant nothing at all and looked up, finally met the green-blue eyes that looked at him like he was amazing. “So, this…us, it’s real?”

“Real,” Robert whispered, and the two of them fell into a kiss. Soft, sweet, and sleepy until Aaron felt Robert’s tongue lick against his lower lip. He opened his mouth and found his hands in Robert’s hair, yanking it to pull him closer. But then music was distracting him from the moment. 

 

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
Let your heart be light  
From now on your troubles will be out of sight 

“You’ve got your phone doing it?” Aaron groused as Robert reached to the dresser to grab his cellphone.

Robert gave him a shy look and opened his mouth a few times before he spoke finally, his tone uncharacteristically small. “It’s Mum’s favorite song, I set it for Christmas Eve and Christmas day…” he trailed off

Aaron felt himself fall harder, this smug, confident, amazing man held so much softness inside of him, and he touched his face, smiled, and teased him. “You’re so soft.”

“Stop,” Robert said, but he was smiling too. 

Aaron frowned suddenly. “I don’t have a present for ya.” 

Robert kissed him softly on the cheek. “It’s you.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Like I said, soft…but yeah…same.”

Robert pressed their foreheads together. “If you want to give me a present I know what you can do.”

“What’s that?”

“Morning sex...” Robert said with a chuckle. “This whole week we’ve been denied, and I’m tired of it.”

Aaron laughed. 

“I’m serious, Aaron. We won’t be denied this time...” Robert started kissing his neck and pushing him underneath him. “It’ll be our Christmas present to each other.”

Aaron groaned as Robert’s mouth pressed against just the right spot on his neck. “Yeah, yeah…but next year you gotta buy me a present,” he teased.

Robert pulled back, grinned down at him, his eyes full of joy and love. “Next year, huh?”

“Shut up,” Aaron laughed, he felt overwhelmed again, but in the best way possible, so, he grabbed Robert’s face and kissed him. 

 

The End.


	6. UPDATE ANNOUNCEMENT

Hello,

So... I wrote this fanfic super fast for the Christmas exchange and when I reread it I kind of hated how rushed it felt and it needed a lot of typos fixed as well. So well, I started editing it and meant to just flesh out a few scenes here and there and well what happened is I REALLY fleshed them out and added quite a lot back in. So if any of you all want to reread it, feel free and if you've just read for the first time. Hi, welcome to the longer version. 

Any way enjoy I hope :)

Rachel


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